we simply cannot do it anymore. Or, at least, I don't care to.
Ok. This is understandable. You no longer want to do what you know works. I saw you say this previously.
You have so much resentment, anger, whatever, that your W doesnt accept you for you, that your not going to do what works anymore.
Nod. big affirmative. understood.
but understand that you are not accepting her, the woman, your W, for being who she is. And needing what she needs. Certain attributes, certain manifestations by you, that cause her desire, respect, sex drive to kick in.
You dont want to have to do it. Well guess what, she isnt going to 'want to do it either'.
Choco you are in sales. Do you say, 'I dont want to do what it takes to work'? or do you do what works. I too am exceedingly familiar with sales. last summer during my second seperation pre D I went to a repeat seminar, and started listening to my cd's again. many of my internal awarnesses originally came from extrapolating from my sales training back in my early 20's. (situations coverging that made me go AHHH!)
even now in my current work situations (which technically has nothing to do with sales) I use many of them to sell the product that earns the money. Me. The results have been remarkable. I dont know why I never did it before. never really cared about money. Now I guess I do it, because it keeps me interested and mentally occupied, which the actual work doesnt, despite the risks.
Shake yourself out of your rut. try some different things for you. Just to bring some zest to your life and interest in the interactions.
When we meet with repeated rejection after rejection after rejection, we stop mining the territory.
If you think its fruitless, why havent you moved on to a different territory then? because your a 'good guy'? not like that? Is that working for you? What fear of loss is causing you to stand still?
lastly... Got in shape, worked out, GAL, became happier/more playful, acted "as if
as-ifing is not the same as indifference. In sales you are still directing the dynamic even when you are not 'pressuring'.
Did you do the above for you, or did you do it to for her? were you happier and playful, and trying to get a reaction out of her whilst she was ignoring your needs (supplicating behavior) or were/are you that way because her reactions dont affect you (lovingly detached). When she is rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, do you IMMEDIATELY let her know that it is UNacceptable to treat you that way? or do you just hope and WISH that she will be 'nice' to you in return, like you are to her?
I do understand your emotions on the matter. I too stopped doing what I know, temporarily. My W jetted at the first sign of weakness and insecurity.(ok I completely cut her off of EC too... anyways) Your W's are still there which I think says alot about them, regardless of their sex drives. (assuming there is no uncovered affairs going on)
to sum up, if you arent willing to do what it takes, neither will she.
I really wish success for you. It is in your control.
