I still think your wife is putting up defenses and excuses to hide her intimacy issues. She will not do anything to address this, not even see a counselor. I think the fact that you have endured this for so long send her the message that she can keep on getting her way for the foreseeable future, because she sees nothing in you to convince her otherwise.
I feel you are following the traditional advice of working on yourself and leaving it to your spouse to work on herself. The conventional wisdom is that you can’t force anyone to change, and to do so would be manipulation. But ho does that answer the fact that by her not addressing her issues and not changing, she is in fact manipulating you? Sure the only solution is within her, but if she does not want to open that door, what are you going to do to make do so? And why should she. The resistance she has put up over the years is so great that it tells me her issues and pain must be even greater. Only until you reverse this balance will she move forward. When are you going to rattle her cage?
What about a new quote, one which you need to ingrain into her psyche – Hell hath no furry like a man sex starved!
