Baltoman, Wow! Great letter! It is spooky as I could have written that exact same letter myself. It atleast lets me know that others are experiencing the same thing, and while that depresses me for their sake, it is atleast encouraging to me to see others going though the same thing. I now just need to read that same kind of letter with a happy ending.. the one that says "but we worked through it and eventually my wife came around. And with some work and effort, she came to realize that sex can be a fun, bonding and enjoyable time for married partners." I need to see there is a happy ending to someone in my scenerio as right now the outlook is rather bleak as I read messages from people who have dealt with this for a loooooong time.
Stig, One thing I realized very early on (and didn't think much of at the time) is the fact that my wife is in no way, anywhere... ticklish. Try tickling her and she;ll get extremely angry in a quick hurry. To me now, it is just another signal that something happened at some point in her life that triggered this whole anti-touch response. She used to enjoy sex, but she has never enjoyed tickling. I know all to well not to go there. And so that doesn't help when trying to be playful and make it fun.
I havetried many things to make it fun. I personally love foreplay, that close, fun, "getting ready" with one another time is usually more fun to me than the actual sex. But my wife dispises that part. "I don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable. If you need it, just verbally tell me you want it, if it is possible for me, I'll try my best to go along, but just get it over with as soon as you can. I know it is my duty as a wife to allow you to have intercourse, but just repect my dislikes for it and get it over with as quickly as you can." Then she removes just the essentially clothing and and says "ok, let's go. Stop trying to make it all extended and dramatic. Just get it done"
The whole thing just makes me go "iiiiick". This is SOOOO not what it is supposed to be.
My current problem.. Our entire relationship, I have so loved my wife.. with all of this over the last few years and no true connection, for the first time I am feeling those feelings starting to slip. And that scares me right now more than anything, and I don't know how to solve it. It's a terrible feeling.
I know... I need to stay positive, unflinching.. happy, and enjoy the world. But some days are just... hard..
