Thank you all so much for your posts. I've been kind of apathetic about trying this messageboard thing again, but I've got to say that your posts have already encouraged me.
GEL, I think you may be onto something with regard to how my wife's perception of our relationship may have changed after having children. That actually makes a lot of sense and it fits well with my wife's personality. With regard to marriage counseling, three years ago when I first started posting here I had no desire at all to go to marriage counseling. But by the time I took a break from posting, whenever that was, I was all for it. I even asked my wife if she'd be willing to try it and she blatantly refused. I don't think that she wants to admit that we have any problems, plus she's not really the type to open up to anyone about things as personal as sex. I told her that I would consider going without her, but the closest I ever got was to do a freebie counseling session with a pastor at my church. I still think that counseling could help us a lot and I certainly won't rule it out. Unfortunately, getting her to go with me might be more difficult than turning her into a sexual dynamo.
I'd be glad to tell you all about the ways I tried to broach our problems with her, but that could get really long and I don't have the time to address it at the moment. I think it's all pretty well documented in my previous posts, but I don't remember which one of them would be best to look through. To summarize, I started trying to just talk to her about it, always with the intention of being loving and calm, but that nearly always ended up in a heated argument to say the least. Later, I tried writing letters, which I found let me say what I wanted to say without getting side tracked by an argument. The letters were received much better, although she still kind of rolled her eyes whenever I'd hand one to her as if to say "oh great, here we go again". Obviously, they didn't really change anything. I can go into more detail later if you want, but I'll have to review my old posts and refresh my memory.
Mojo, I think that your idea about emotionally distancing myself is a great one. I've tried that before, but I didn't really stick with it as I had a hard time not coming across as cold and angry. But I think it's probably worth another try and I could use some help in coming up with how to go about it. I've been torn between the thought pattern that 1.) regardless of how my wife treats me, I should be a loving husband who does everything possible to make her happy, and 2.) if she's going to treat me like crap I'm going to do the same to her. That's a pretty broad spectrum and I have to find a happy medium. I'll come up with some examples of specific areas where I could change and post them to get your opinion on what might help and what might ultimately make things worse. In the meantime, any suggestions that anyone has would be greatly appreciated.
