Lusty, I think that you and I are saying the same thing, actually. Look, 3 years ago we did not have fireworks. My H was an awkward, inhibited man who refused to own up to having fantasies, or even desiring me for that matter.
My point was, at the time, I couldn't stop daydreaming, yearning, for passion from him--fireworks. As we have worked through our issues, he has started showing desire on a regular basis and admits his fantasies (though we're nowhere near doing any of them yet, darn it) and guess what? My yearning for it has dissipated as he is starting to display his true sexual self. So no, it's not a Grand Finale fireworks display event, but it IS a back yard 'hey we just spent 200 bucks on fireworks, aint we cool' event and it is fine with me. THAT is my point. That as he has changed and anted up a little passion, my definition of what was an acceptable amount has changed.
Look, I'm with you. Absolutely nothing bothers me more than people telling me to cool my romantic fantasies because I have little kids.
However............it's partly true, kwim? The fact is that they ARE under my feet all the time and us rushing away to the bedroom for a quickie is simply not do-able right now. Does it matter that H is not 'there' yet, anyway? I don't know! Ahem, what was my point. Ah yes, that the reality of little ones DOES add an element of anti-fireworks to our lives, whether we like it or not. Are there ways to work around it, you betcha. And........finally I'm getting to the riveting conclusion, lol...I'm discovering that the mini-fireworks really are pretty cool and sufficient.
I suppose I was just encouraging Chrome to not look at the Grand Finale fireworks and say, Damn I'll never have that..... but rather to simultaneously accept the limitations of your life as well as requiring more than a peck on the way out the door as the Adult Interaction for the day.
Quote: I think I misstated what I meant by LD. I do not think my H is biologically LD from lack of T or anything like that. I think it is what you were saying - sexual repression, inhibition, fear of vulnerability
I don't know your whole story, so bear with me on this post. Have you accepted the fact that if your H has normal testosterone levels and is not having sex with you, he is almost certainly MBing on a regular basis? How did/does this make you feel? I will suggest that you won't make progress until you accept this reality and then get past it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Thanks HP! Look, 3 years ago we did not have fireworks. My H was an awkward, inhibited man who refused to own up to having fantasies, or even desiring me for that matter. Yep. That sounds just like my H. I couldn't stop daydreaming, yearning, for passion from him--fireworks. As we have worked through our issues, he has started showing desire on a regular basis and admits his fantasies (though we're nowhere near doing any of them yet, darn it) and guess what? My yearning for it has dissipated as he is starting to display his true sexual self. I think this is why I am really struggling right now, because the last few weeks feel like we have been backtracking. His withdrawal and inability to understand that I need him to be more assertive is pissing me off. the reality of little ones DOES add an element of anti-fireworks to our lives, whether we like it or not. Tell me something I don't know. Kids do not equate with sexy. I suppose I was just encouraging Chrome to not look at the Grand Finale fireworks and say, Damn I'll never have that..... This is where I go but, but, but. I want Grand Finale Fireworks!!! (LFL having a tantrum) (nothing to see here)
Have you accepted the fact that if your H has normal testosterone levels and is not having sex with you, he is almost certainly MBing on a regular basis? How did/does this make you feel? I will suggest that you won't make progress until you accept this reality and then get past it I'm not sure where you are going here. Are you saying I need to accept the fact that my H MB? Fine. I don't care one way or the other. I do it. It's not a big deal to me to go right to the O without all the bells and whistles of a sexual production, never mind the fight that usually accompanies it in our house. I have asked my H about MB and he acts a little embarrassed and admits to doing it "once in a while". Maybe once a month. I believe that because I barely MB more than that What do you mean get past it?
LustyMama, LOL I can see that I am being clear as mud again.
I do NOT mean to say that GF fireworks aint happenin. In fact, it pisses me off when people say that to me. All I'm saying is that, right now, in Chrome's life, it aint happening. That's due to both him and her. Looking at the GF fireworks is going to cause him undue pain so I was encouraging him to avert his gaze and keep his eyes on the prize. In other words, insist on their time together, do things that will strengthen their bond, keep on initiating, don't accept no affection as a legitimate way to operate within their R, etc blah blah, but getting depressed over lackafireworks will filter out of him and his wife will sense that she's not enough and bam, he's taken a step back.
You want my opinion? I think it's cruddy to not ML after having been gone on a trip. I don't consider that fireworks, I consider it just taking care of your M.
But, if he's really talking about wanting GF fireworks, all I'm saying is that it is a hard period of life to try and have that on a regular basis. Every once in a while H and I pull off some smokin hot fireworks but mostly we just manage to be together, in both a sex and QT sense of the word.
So I was encouraging Chrome to set smallish goals and ACHIEVE them, rather than focusing on the grand finale and getting down about his inability to pull it off at this stage of the game.
Typically this is true. It is a choice for me though. I look at a woman and see what I want, when I want. Currently I focus on all the things about my previous M with x that were not good, no matter how small. I mentally pick pick pick at what wasnt perfect. I dont like being ithis way, but its working phenomanally. Looks like you read my post to you in my thread about focusing on the good, and ignored it.
Yes I see you are pissy. I also see that you are LD, and rapidly approaching entitlement and resentment, via your expectations, and stubborness.
Also typical, but not impressive.
For instance, BUT your H is really HD. He is open to expressing himself sexually, maybe even kinky, he just needed to get comfortable doing that with you.
This is also tru of your H, and I can prove it empirically from your posts.
If I let him truly be who he is, then I will NOT be satisfied in this M. You dont let him. You punish his attempts. You allow him no opportunity to gain courage. You just fail him repeatedly.
(LFL having a tantrum) (nothing to see here)
Nothing unusuall, I am sure, youngest of six.
You can teach your H/ encourage your H/ reward your H in ways that will over TIME, change this dynamic. Or you can be like every other woman and react typically.
Kids do not equate with sexy. 
