Welcome back! You have been missed!!!! Sounds like a great trip!
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
Man, I am so depressed and sad this morning. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I have been just sitting here bawling for the past half hour or so. Maybe it was just having a break from everything for awhile and then coming home and having the full force of my marital problems smack me in the face again. I know things are on the upswing with the W, but there is still so many things I want out of an R that I don't have yet, and so far to go before I get there. I'm trying so hard to be the man-of-steel that I HAVE to be to make it all work, but I still have those dark recesses of my mind that imagine an R with someone who wants me as much as I want them. I imagine coming home to a W after a long vacation and her being so wound up from the absence that we make the howler monkeys jealous with all the hollering we do. I imagine a life with all the joys of childrearing, without all the attendant tiredness and lack of freedom. The short of it is that I love and hate my life at the same time, and the tension threatens to pull me apart at times. The short short of it is that I need to get laid ... bad.
Ah well, snap back to reality. Life goes on whether we want it to or not. Let me see if I can get the man-o-steel jumpsuit back on and fly off into the sunset with a sh!t-eating grin on my face and a not inconspicous bulge in my shorts. My W needs me to be that man, gotta dump the glob.
OK. I really will respond to the other stuff soon. Got class in a few minutes. Had to get that off my chest before I made a fool of myself in front of my students.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I'm sorry you are down right now. There's something I'd like to point out to you though....not sure how helpful this is going to be, but gonna do it anyway. What I hear you describing, although wonderful in theory....sounds so much like what we experience in that "Honeymoon phase" of an R.
The Honeymoon phase of feelings does last for some people, but for the vast majority....that fades and reality sets in. What I hear from you is that you are focusing on that "honeymoon phase". That is sooooo very easy to do when things aren't the way you'd like them to be....and I'm guessing you didn't get the reception you'd hoped for when you arrived home?
Chrome, you guys ARE making progress....try to focus on that right now if you can. If your reception when you arrived home was much less than what you had hoped for....you might consider telling her. I remember this past October I had gone on a business trip for a week....I didn't even get an "I missed you" when I got home, I didn't get a kiss....nothing. It really hurt, then I got resentful....my mistake was not bringing it up sooner. It did come out in a C session, but if that happens again....I refuse to hold that in.
Hang in there, things ARE getting better Chrome...just remember that.
I am so sorry to hear you so down. I can image that after being gone so long, you miss W so much. I know it is hard to not get that welcome home that you wanted.
But, let's look at this from her POV. She had the kids by herself (maybe some relatives helped out??) while you were on a great trip to the islands, sunning, snorkling, etc... Even though it was for work, to her it may seem like a vacation. My friends husband had to do the same thing for his job. Went to Belize, took clients on a fishing trip. He got to go do fun stuff for "work" and she was home witha 3 year old and a newborn. She was resentful. So much so she went out and bought herself and $800 diamond ring! Not saying you need to run out and buy her something..just part of the story.
Any who...chin up. Super hero costume on. Welcome home.
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
Gald you're back, chrome. I do understand the downer feelings. And GEL is right about the honeymoon, but if memory serves, you and your W never really had that honeymoon, did you? That period of ferocious sexual activity and connection that you can look back on fondly when you're bogged down with kids and job?
When I went away to the choral festival last year, my bf told me every day on the phone how much he missed me, then when I got back, I went to bed that night, and he sat up until 2 watching tv just like he always does. I mentioned it to him a while later and he just looked at me puzzled as if I were imagining things.
I know I tend to over-romanticize things, but that's just me. I want to ML on a secluded Caye Caulker beach with the sound of the waves breaking over the reef and the stiff breeze keeping you cool despite the humidity and heat. I want to go dancing to Reggae music while sipping Mai Tais or Horny Monkeys (don't know what's in it but they are darn good). I want to hold my W's hand while snorkeling 20 feet over a reef teeming with fish, rays, and sharks. And I want to never stop feeling the way her body feels next to me when she is in the mood for a big hug, or stop seeing the look in her eyes when she is happy, or feel her lips surrender to mine when we do have that occasional passionate kiss. There are days when I can't stop daydreaming about those things, and other days when I get work done. LOL Snap back to reality.
DN I know and completely understand why I didn't get the big welcome home. I don't begrudge her that at all. I'm just daydreaming about life in my ideal world. Just because others don't act the way I wish they would, it is not a fault of theirs.
Yes, the W was staying with relatives, and I did bring her home a nylon hammock chair for the sun room, and a hand sewn Mayan shirt. Not an $800 ring, but my W would have been VERY unhappy if I had done that anyway.
Thanks ladies Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
You are right, we never did have the honeymoon period in our marriage, at least not with the sexual intensity in probably most people's marriages.
Well, I didn't get as icy a reception as you did, but then again, nor did my W call me every day to tell me she missed me.
I missed you guys too, terribly sometimes. It is good to know you have someplace to unload. Being in such a romantic place I daydreamed a lot. Plus I had 15 students following me and the other faculty around, and you can imagine there was a bit of idol-worship going on. It can be intoxicating at times having a bunch of people obviously admiring you and looking up to you, wanting to hang out with you, telling you their life stories, trusting you with their lives at times. I think there is something inherent in all of us teacher-types that just absorbs that attention like a drug.
I'm slowly re-adjusting, but it will take a few days.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
