I'd interpret this: " she said that she knew I didn't like to be vocally rejected and didn't want to make me feel bad, so she thought she would try something a little more subtle.." as projection BIGTIME.
If I were you, I'd hear: *She* doesn't like rejecting you vocally because it makes HER feel bad (embarrased and ashamed about sex, like a bad W, frigid, etc...) so she thought she would avoid the whole thing by reading.
Really. It is just this kind of crazy stuff that comes out of people's mouths when they are projecting like mad.
I agree with others about the importance of being direct, standing up for yourself, and not avoiding confrontation on this.
What about (1) being direct about your feelings and (2) asking for what you want? "Honey, I was incredibly hurt last night when you picked up the book. I felt like my wanting to share intimacy with you and my approach to it were worth less than yesterday's garbage to you. I don't think you meant to hurt me, but I felt emasculated and unimportant. I am a good husband and a caring lover and I deserve to be treated that way. So, I would like you to be honest and direct with me regarding intimacy. Last night, I would have much preferred a "sweetheart, I do not want intimacy right now" or even better a "sweetheart, I crave intimacy but I'm frustrated, let me help both of us by showing you something." "
Sure, that would be a little rehearsed, but something sincere that shares how you felt and asks for what you want is definitely in order, I'd say.
Anyway, maybe if you can hear it as projection it won't hurt as bad and you can see some of her pain a bit more. In any case, clearly, you deserve better.
