First of all sorry for meeting you here! It is always sad to meet someone new on this board! There are many people here that share your pain. I would like to get more details on your sitch.
Don't feel bad or guilty about how you are feeling personally. From the sounds of it your H had an affair and that is a horrible thing. You can't control what your H is doing, and like many of the people on here will say is you have to detatch and GAL f your own. That is such an easy thing to type but it is so hard to do in real life. From recent personal experience once you are able to except both consequences..recounciliation or divorce....it becomes easier to detatch.
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
