Quote: Gaining an emotional connection through spending time together talking, laughing, being vulnerable...holding hands, passionate kissing when not getting ready for sex, looking in each others eyes...have this ability to help EC.
This is really important stuff. I want it, Barney wants it, most men do. But it is NOT the primary way of getting EC for most men, it is nice SECONDARY stuff. There is also one big problem that I see always creeping up, that the women wants all of these EC things with no expectations of sex. This means the women expects the man to UNCONDITIONALLY meet her needs. The truth is that he should. Marriage is about GIVING, and giving can have no preconditions. But then we turn around and look at the mans need for desire, and low and behold, there are CONDITIONS associated with it! The man must do X, Y, and Z, and then do A, B, and C on even days, and then fix ALL known issues, and then he will be lucky if he only gets rejected 75% of the time. Why should a women desire her husband? Because it is the right thing to do! Not because he got all his chickens in a row to meet your needs. Just like he is to meet YOUR needs without any expectations in return. It has to go BOTH ways.
Quote: Don't you think CeMar that perhaps there are things the KILL desire!! That is also a possibility. Being resentful of doing things for the other person ..can kill desire. Angry words...can kill desire. Nagging...can kill desire. Silent treatment...can kill desire. Being sleep deprived from children, illness, or work...can kill desire. Changing hormones...can kill deire. And a host of other things.
Yea, I know ALL about this. So us poor guys start trying to fix everything under the sun for you ladies, and guess what, there is ALWAYS one more obstical to your desire recovering. So, what 1 thing could Barney do today that would cause TRUE desire in you? What can Barney do that would cause you to become horny for him? You obviously have identified what turns you off, so focus on what turns you on instead.
