What makes a HD feel wanted?

[only_truth]

I agree here. I think you have put your wife in a double bind. Kinda a catch 22.

It's kinda like saying "be spontaneous". Or "you better do it AND you better like it."

You want to her to want to have sex with you. To need to have sex with you. Great. She tries to have sex with you. That's not enough. All because you can "see in her eyes" that she doesn't really mean it, that she doesn't really want you. Puhleease. How do you know?

Take at face value that your W says she wants sex with you. She wants to have sex with yuo, and you are turning her down because she doesn't "want you enough". That's what I am hearing.

BTW, I believe that it is a far deeper and more mature love expression to do something for someone EVEN THOUGH IT MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO THE MOST than it is to do something for them because YOU WANT IT FOR YOU. IOW, IF your W is offering to have sex with you DESPITE it not really being her thing, that is a profound expression of love because it is what you want, not what she wants.

FWIW