What makes a HD feel wanted?

[MrsNOP]

This is incredible. You see that I delete my post and respond anyway. LMAO!

The fact is that your posts took something good away from me. Call it blameshifting if you want to. It's also a fact that my anger over it is my problem and up to me to deal with.

I responded because I read your post and saw the anger towards me. Are you supposed to have some sort of "get out of what I said" card after you've blown your fuse and after your target has seen it?

Your anger is your problem right up until the point that you aim it at someone else.

But in the process of recounting what I've done wrong and telling me what I have to do, did you bother to ask yourself why I would have posted if I wasn't trying to make things better? Why would I do that if I didn't see hope for something better?

Your posts were asking for input, I assumed you were wanting to make things better. What possible words of mine ever indicated that I thought otherwise? I encourage you to point them out, because I'm pretty sure they aren't there. So, your strawman is just that. Wanting things to be better and hoping for things to be better aren't the same thing.

Did you examine my posts for the "holdover hurts" you claim I have? There aren't any there.

Your words from this very thread:

"I just can't seem to get past the evidence. For example, I thought for years that she turned me down and rejected my ideas was because she didn't like sex, and I told her so. She has strongly denied that. Ok...so if she really likes sex then it must be me. I don't know what else to think.

Smells like a heldover hurt to me. An understandable one under the circumstances. If my recognizing your legitimate hurts is a bashable offense, well, whale away.

Did you see anything in those posts that were negative or disparaging about my W? None of those present either.

Why yes, I did.

"I've told her that. Her reply has been, "But I do!" But she often walks by my morning wood without acknowledgment and always without contact. She did rub on me in the hotel a few weeks ago (as she said in her thread), but it seems to only be in "coreographed" or scheduled situations."

Did you not see that I was trying to find a realistic and fair approach toward her? Or did you see these things and discount them because you know better? The advice about me "not stepping on her seed sprouts because the aren't sunflowers" might have worked for you there, too.

Yeah, I did see you searching for a fair approach. And because of that, I pointed out the things that can hinder. I also encouraged you that she can express more of the sexuality that you long for. Oddly enough, I saw several other people point out things that might help and things that might hinder. Were they discounting you as well, did they think they knew better?

Look, I see a pissed off man who decided to express a little steam toward someone who had the temerity to point out that BOTH of you are responsible for the current condition of your marriage and that BOTH of you are responsible for its resurrection.

As evidenced by other's responses to you, I see that I wasn't the only one that didn't glom that you felt you were in a good place just teetering at the gate of marital Valhalla. So, perhaps you might want to consider that your communication wasn't as clear as you thought rather than misplacing blame onto me for blowing you right back into your pit for pointing out some things that might be helpful in restoring your marriage.

What I read from your thread was disappointment, depression, a sense that maybe you had to settle for something that would never be fulfilling - so, no I didn't pick up on any sunshiney attititude.

Unfortunately, your posts communicated something damaging to me. But, as you said, I'm just blameshifting.

Yes, you were. I'm still waiting for you to point out the damaging comments.

My comments that you made mistakes in the past? That you're making mistakes now? Well, welcome to the human race. I made a boat-load of them myself. Still make them today. Does it make me sad to consider the past? Yes, it does. However, acknowledging them is an exercise in personal growth. Are you damaged by acknowledging your own mistakes?

I am really curious as to what I communicated that was so damaging in your perception.

Off on a segue, I have recently started trying a slight shift in my thoughts and attitudes. I have spent time in the past pondering, worrying, even whining on occasion in regarding the amount and/or type of, or expression of love I am given.

I stopped in my tracks the other day as I was headed down that well-trodden path and asked myself the question, "How loveable am I being on a regular basis?" How much am I exerting myself to be loving and caring and to let my husband know how much I care for him.

Choices. Always choices.

How loveable are you (rhetorical you) being in your marriage? It's something to ponder.

Feel free to continue correcting me. I won't get in your way by responding further.

Hey, feel free to continue blaming me for the quality of your day, your mood and your progress with your wife.

Or not, and exercise your own maturity by accepting the responsibility for your own moods, attitudes and behaviors.

MrsNOP -