Chrissy,

I completely agree with you! The problem is that it doesn't get me anywhere.

BTW, I first skimmed your post and came to the paragraph where you wrote an example of what SHE could say without realizing what it was. I almost lost consciousness. (The HD part of me still surfaces on occassion.)


GEL,

Good advice. I'm willing to accept it as is, but that leaves me staring into the black hole. MoJo's post on her thread about the HD incorrectly believing sexual desire being purely physical might be applicable to me.

My first thought is that acceptance in every other area is like realizing that W will never be able to cook my favorite meal. OK, I'll still be able to eat it at the local restaurant. But since this is about sex, one of my 4 basic needs (food, water, air, sex), it's more like thinking W is unable to cook my favorite food so I can never have it. I have to learn to accept what she cooks and give kudos as if it were my favorite meal.

If that's true, I'm truly screwed! Maybe MoJo is onto something about the physical need being a false belief. Unfortunately, I can't think back to any time in my life when I was unable to have sex when I was happy. Sex was always the missing component.

I feel like I've gone in a big circle on this question. The answer to the original question, "What would NG have to do to make me feel loved?" seems to be, "Whatever you do is fine. I'll accept whatever you offer." Hello black hole.

BTW, we're not seeing a C anymore. NG and I agreed that we had reached the end of what the C was able to do for us. I would be willing to again if info was the thing needed, but that's not the case, IMO. And since I know what to do, seeing a C won't make me do it. As I've told NG, somewhere along the line we've got to learn to listen to, hear, and communicate with each other when it's just us. Why not make that now?

Thank you all for your help on this. Talking further about it will just be going around the same circle again. NG prefers me not posting so I guess I'm done. I do check in on your sitches occassionally and I wish you all good luck and good sex.