Barney,

I hate to tell you this....but as you already know, you have no control over NG and her feelings. I completely understand what you are saying in that you want her to want sex, but you don't know that she doesn't, especially when she's telling you she does. People express their feelings/desires so very differently, some of us (like you and I and other HD's on this BB) are very open about expressing a desire for sex with their partners. Then of course there are others like NG (myself in the past) and my H who are very subtle...almost to the point of us missing their cues.

So...what's my point? Just because she doesn't show it the way you might or the way you want her to doesn't mean she doesn't want it, and doesn't want YOU.

I'm going to go way back into my LD days here for ya....my XH used to get that morning wood all the time. I got so used to it, I often didn't even notice it after a certain point....know what? That wasn't a comment on his masculinity or anything other than...it was just a part of the morning. Not to mention that anytime I'd see my H erect like that I'd think "pressure" because I had been pressured about sex for so long. I know now that just because he had an erection that didn't necessarily mean he wanted sex, but in my LD mind at the time....I thought if I commented or paid attention to his erection that he'd expect sex from me....and I'm not much of a morning sex person. Sure, today I'll do it, but back then....uh huh!

So....now having said all that fun stuff. When you say NG does say she wants you, but you can't get past the evidence....you are looking for evidence that you know you could recognize, her commenting on it, playing with it...something fairly blatant I'm thinking right? So....have you asked NG how she shows you she WANTS you? What are her signals...no matter how subtle? NG...if you're reading, perhaps you can tell him, "these are things I do that you can interperet as "WANT/DESIRE."

NG....you might also find you have to step outside of your comfort zone in your displays of desire and do some things that in the past you might not have. Don't worry, I'm not telling you, you have to become the wanton sex goddess I am just that it would be helpful to Barn to have something somewhat tangible he could recognize as your physical attraction to him. Remember the more frequently you do something the less uncomfortable for you it becomes. Heck, that's pretty much what I did to get past some of my inhibitions....at some point you take one thing and you do it until you aren't uncomfortable with it anymore....whether that's caressing that morning wood a bit, or using some terminology you never would have....or simply turning to Barn and flat-out asking if he'd like a BJ (or as my H likes to call it "a goodnight kiss"...see there are things you can say that are code just between the two of you as well that don't come across so offensive for you to say either). What I'm hearing from Barn is that you say you do want him, but whatever signals you are sending his way are way far too subtle for him to catch. I'd really love to hear your side on this though. Could you share with us some of the things you do to show desire for him?

Barn...for you, you may find you have to alter your perceptions a bit too as to how someone shows desire. This is a place where the two of you truly can come to some compromises. I'll use my H and I as an example here if you don't mind. You've probably read on my post that one night I rolled over and asked my H if he'd like a BJ....well that got a really shocked response out of him. Barn, you'd probably love it if NG would do that, but NG might not be comfortable saying that. Well the following day my H was thanking me for what I had done, but he subtley brought up the fact that he'd be more comfortable with me using the terminology "goodnight kiss". He didn't flat-out state that, but I did ask if he'd prefer that and he said he would. So I agreed and told him "that's fine with me, as long as we both know what it means when it's said." There's a nice side to using that "code" just between the two of us too....because now we can say that when we aren't alone, we both know what we are talking about, and it's an excellent way for us to flirt and let the other know what we are thinking in a crowd of people. He's since used that terminology with me, I understood it.....and it works for us. Things can still be subtle so NG can be comfortable but still sexual enough for Barn to easily get the signal.

Would something like that work for you two?

GEL


Well behaved women rarely ever make history!