GEL,

I've been thinking alot about what you posted for a few days. First of all, let me assure you that I want to be accepting of what NG says and does. The problem isn't with my desire to do and say the right thing, just in carrying it out.

She does say that she wants to do what I want and she does say that she wants me. I just can't seem to get past the evidence. For example, I thought for years that she turned me down and rejected my ideas was because she didn't like sex, and I told her so. She has strongly denied that. Ok...so if she really likes sex then it must be me. I don't know what else to think.

When she says she wants me, I think she's saying that she loves me, wants us to be close, wants an affectionate relationship with hugging and kissing, and that of course will lead to sex. I want all of that, too.

What I can't seem to get across is that I need her to want me sexually. To be pointed about it, I need her to want my d*ck! I need her to want to use me for her personal and selfish sexual satisfaction. I don't see anything unloving about that, and frankly, that would make me the most romantic man on the planet.

I've told her that. Her reply has been, "But I do!" But she often walks by my morning wood without acknowledgment and always without contact. She did rub on me in the hotel a few weeks ago (as she said in her thread), but it seems to only be in "coreographed" or scheduled situations.

My dilema is that I'm not convinced that what I want is possible or fair to her. It's like making your kids eat a bite of broccoli every so often because it's good for them. That's understandable and good parenting. But it's different to expect a grown adult to start liking broccoli when they really don't.

CeMar said something true when it come to my desires. "I don't need sex, I need NG to need sex!" It goes even further for me. I need NG to need me for the sex she needs! That's probably not fair, but I still want it.