There were some posts related to affairs, about another person making someone feel something and/or some way. The observation of the poster was that those feelings you like, that you think come from a sole-mate, are already in you, and the relationship you have with the OP, NG in this case, somehow facilitates the expression of those feelings. So when NG asks "What would I have to do to make you (barn) feel wanted? might relate to, what conditions have to be in place for you to feel wanted.
Do you feel emotionally safe with NG. If you do, is that safe feeling for the long term or is she or you going to work on things for a while and then it is back to the old way.
Because I don't know enough about where you two are at this time, I would say to accept what she offers you and trust things will improve until the trust (your imagined level of trust) is improved.
I can tell you from my experiences with BB, the "believing things will work" is taking a long time. I will also say I still have a difficult time asking for what I want sometimes, especially when I know "wants" her wants are some times different or opposite of what I want.
Sometimes it is difficult to determine what is fair ( that leads to feeling wanted) for both spouses.
I see the biggest thing you can do right now is to work the forum for all of the good ideas and input that are available.
Don't worry about finding the "right" word. If you fist word or idea is close to what you want, you or someone can work it over to improve it and hopefully find a word or an idea that is closer to what you really want. Lots of version 2.0's that get replaced by version 2.2's.
Sometimes you have an idea in your mind but it does not play out IRL like you hoped it would. Sort of liking a color, and when you paint the whole room, it does not turn out the way you imagined.
Barn and NG hitting it off. Wow. Now that is a color that looks good.
