Agreed BF. This really speaks to me. I do get into a rut feeling like I must do something, when in reality I should see it as a choice. When I view it as a choice, it can be positive/proactive/fun. When it is a "have to" situation, it is just work.
"stop reassuring. Let her earn it by her actions."
Agreed. Very hard principle for us doormat/low-self-esteem guys to internalize, but crucial for success.
"being yourself is expressing your feelings, your thoughts, being comfortable with it, and liking yourself still. In fact you can almost go so far as to say, NOT caring what the OP thinks of you, to the point that you change who you are."
Interesting. You have to border on being narcisstic in a way. Strong boundaries on who you are are essential to gaining respect, and ultimately love and intimacy with another. I can see Schnarch nodding in the background.
"You do in fact engage in this type of thinking and behavior here. It causes you to be so attractive, I have a hard time restraining myself from making declarations of my undying devotion and desire."
I'm not surprised. I am one hot dude. Men and women both constantly throw themselves at me. LOL
"OP feelings are NYJ. not your job. Apologizing for yourself is not accepting who you are. Doesnt allow OP to accept you either."
Dang you're racking them up. I do apologize for myself WAY too much. And I can see how if I don't accept myself, how is OP going to accept me. Ugh.
"Doing this (being yourself, setting boundaries, not apologizing) will cause conflict. It will create tension and probably even fights."
This is the key. My first step is overcoming my conflict avoidance. Then I won't fear the fight, can maintain my boundary, and build respect and intimacy. If only it took just words to make it true. But recognizing it is the first step. Gotta put it into action.
Thanks Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
