Sorry DN, took me awhile to get back to this post.
"Thanks you guys. I really appreciate your compliments. I am humbled. In a weird way it’s hard to hear those positive things about yourself."
YES IT IS!!!!! It is amazing how hard it is for someone who has been beating themselves up for many years to truly accept a compliment. Lil could tell you how many times she had to smack me before I started just say thank you to a compliment. There is a voice inside us low self-esteem types that says any compliment must either be (1) just to make us feel better, i.e. placating/patronizing (2) if they only knew us they wouldn't say it (3) they want something from us and the words aren't sincere. One of the most difficult first steps I had to take was to defeat that voice, and he is still there, lurking, waiting for me to slip. I call him Glob (reference to my first screen name here). You need to find and defeat that voice inside yourself.
I like, I REALLY like those affirmations. They are simple, show a wide variety of personality traits, illustrate some places inside yourself that you need to work on, and highlight some of the more common negative voices that people have. Good job. (pat on the back).
"I HATE confrontation with H about our R. I feel like as soon as I start talking to him I loose all my words, get overly emotional and start crying."
I think you and I might be dopplegangers like BF and Stig. Conflict avoidance, loss of words at critical moments, overly emotional ... BTDT. Then again, I'll bet many of the people here can say the same thing. I am often guilty of trying to wing it and end up making it worse because I have to backtrack, placate, and supplicate when I flub up. There is something to say about being yourself, just opening up, but there is also something to say about being prepared for the tough issues.
"Second, I feel that we avoid each all lot of the time. I don’t want to keep avoiding each other. I would like to great each other warmly when we get home each day, in the mornings, etc…which would involve an embrace, a kiss or some physical touch. I do not want to initiate the embrace/kiss every time. Part of the detachment I feel is in his lack of initiating."
I could have written that paragraph. I am right there with you lady. What you want is something very reasonable in a healthy M.
"Third, we need to establish “couple time”. No television and no child. Just the two of us, talking, going out for coffee, playing cards, etc… I acknowledge that finances are a strain to him and that he doesn’t feel like we can “afford to go out”. That’s why I have suggested things that only require our time."
Ditto. Haven't gotten there yet, mainly because of the demands of 3 children in diapers and a busy work schedule, but soon, VERY soon, I am going to ramp up the insistence that we are a couple and should act that way. I have been getting signs from the W that she is opening up to the idea.
"Fourth, we need to establish “family time.” Same as above, except we would include our S. Again, these are things that don’t necessarily require money. Something like going to the park, for walk or a picnic or going to get ice cream."
Very good. Sounds like you are getting all your ducks in a row.
"I should put these all on index cards so I remember what to say!!"
Not a bad idea. Works well for aceing finals, why not use it in your R. Probably not every time you have an R convo though.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
