Nicky,

Thank you for the kind words. I feel you verbalize yourself just fine. If you were not I would not be able to find the meaning in what you are saying. The only difference in what we are saying is yours shows your emotions and confusion. I being a 3rd party can have sympathy for your confusion yet still be able to go at it with direct logic or illogic . View me as your refinery. This is normal I believe. I have uttered and sputtered on my thread to only see someone elses words and say hey thats what I was saying but not so well.

You know you are about the 3rd person of late to make mention of my verbalization skills. Sad my H never seems to be able to find my meaning in what I say. He is always telling me he does not understand what I am saying. No matter how I say it. Wouldnt that be my luck the one person who really needs to understand any meaning of my babble is the one person who can't.. Oh well I always say I like a good challenge.

So thank you for being here and sharing.

That is about the sweetiest thing anyone has said to me in a long time.
And I don't see me going any where fast so hey maybe we can grow and define ourselfs together and have one sweet victory dance together at the end of the road.

There have been very few times that there is an EC during sex

Well this is not what I wanted you to say! But glad your were truthful.
Straight to the point you and your H can have sex everyday from here on out. But until you can put this element into the bedroom the act will only be sex the EC is what elevates it to ML. I have sex while my H makes love.
With everything that is missing in my R I can bring on the sexual heat but will never be able to bring on the emotional heat in the bedroom that defines ML until the relationship out of the bedroom improves. One of those sad never ending circles.

So lets take this conversation outside of the realm of the bedroom and please tell me what defines your love for your H. And what would strengthen it. (okay I am looking for a simular thing right now maybe my question is selfishly intended).

)...why doesn't he get it or if he does get it, why doesn't he care to do anything about it?

Have you asked or the MC asked him what he wants out of the marriage what areas of improvement he sees as important. His answers my define the answer to this. He may see other issues then what you see as the hinderance to a healthy happy relationship and his focus maybe on them instead of what you are focused on.
It may not be that he does not care to do anything about it. He may think that he is doing something to improve your relationship by what he is focused on.

Not really sure if that makes sense.
Its like to people being hungry but craving different food.
You can eat at McDonalds and sure your no longer hungry but you still have that craving. And your still fixated on different types of food over looking the fact that the hunger was the issue not what you ate.

Urghh my new found redheadness is effecting my brain today sorry!


Now on to the porn.

There is a problem maybe two.
yes he maybe addicted which is a problem but the real problem lies in what the curtian of the addiction is hiding. Theres one problem.
But the first problem or biggest problem from MPOV is the dishonesty and resentment it is causing.
You do need to address this. If either by straight out confrontation or by not so blunt means. But sweep it under the rug as you may it is causing a lump that you keep tripping on and will until you move the rug and sweep up the dirt.
How to do this well you know your H best. But do it one way or the other for both of you. Gels H is a perfect example of how dishonesty makes one feel and the effects it has. She enabled him to come clean by confrontation. And they are dealing with the effects of his dishonesty. But they always were just in different ways.
And so are you in your H regaurdless of how fast that broom is moving to hide that dirt.

So yes you can try to come to a better understanding of porn and the effects it has on relationships as NG has suggested.
If you read that forum I do pray you go into it with a open mind. I have read in there on this issue and sorry I find most of it coming from a jaded close minded idealistic place of the porn is why there marriage fell apart. It is all the porns fault blah blah. Sorry porn addictions are symptoms of a larger problem not the cause. Same as with a person who has a affair or drinks to much ect. The actions are symptoms not causes. And the porn industry the brewery's and the OP are not to blame even if they help enable. But again this is my POV we own our actions good or bad right or wronge. But I do understand how a person can take on a bible thumping approach to something that has had such a negative impact in there life and get so caught up in it they only see one side of the picture. Smokers who quite smoking often do the same thing. So if you go there in search of understanding I wish you well and hope you find some without forgetting there is something else lying behind the curtain. And what is being said is tainted with personal human emotions.

Thats why I like this BB so well it has a little of everything and a whole lot of open mindness to all issues.
Which I think leads to better insight and more helpful.
And I don't think any of us here are seeking just validation we are right we are seeking support of how we feel and insight of others to build a better understanding from.

Don't know if I really said anything in this post. But if nothing else you know someone is thinking of you and wishing you well