Quote: Actually I was being ignored and my presence not even acknowledged. Some months later I found out that he was phoning other women & corresponding on the Internet during that time.
Ouch, that must have hurt.
Quote: On that issue...be glad that your H is being a good father to your S. Don't take it personally...even though there are some things going on.
I know this and I am VERY grateful he is such a good father. For that I am lucky.
Quote: There are some interesting things in the Sexual Issues Forum under the subject of porn. Interestingly the DB folks talk about the damage that it does to R. You can read some good things over there.
I will check that out. I have looked there a bit, but haven’t gotten into it too much.
Quote: Your H "disengaged" present actions toward you suggested to me that rather than him deal with whatever issues in your R are troubling him...he is escaping.
He says that he “just doesn’t have deep feelings about that kind of stuff”. He sweeps the problems under the rug and I sweep his inability to discuss the problems under the rug. We are both avoiding things.
Quote: Is your H at the place that he cares what would make you feel loved or desired?
IMO, no. I have told him many times what things would make me happy. The last time when he said “I’m working on it”, I asked him what it was he was working on. What is it that you think I want? All he could say was more sex. I said, yes that is part of it. But there are actions that I would like that don’t have to do with sex. He didn’t seem to remember any of those things.
I think this is a pivotal question…it seems that there are a lot of couples on this BB where BOTH people are making an effort. I feel that my R is very one sided. I am so tired of being the person that is unhappy with our R. I am tired of bringing it up, tired of being the one to try and “fix” things, tired of him not putting forth any energy, tired of him not fighting for us. Our R has been in a downward spiral for many years. We keep doing the things that are “supposed “ to make us happy; first new care, first house, first child, etc… These things don’t fix problems. In a way I knew/know that, but I wanted so badly to hang on to anything I could. I was so afraid of letting go.
Even though the frequency of S has picked up a bit, I can’t help but feel that emptiness still. That EC that GEL says is still there for her and her H even when they don’t ML, is NOT there for us. We didn’t even kiss yesterday. No hug, no kiss, nothing. I can’t do that. I feel like I am preparing myself to cut the strings instead of fight for my M.
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
