RE Lil Geez, Lou... BUSTED? Is this making LOVE or getting arrested?.... You mean if you couldn't prove you had ejaculated, she would throw a fit?
I don't think she would do anything like that. No indication of anything like that ever happening.
When I say BUSTED, what I might be referring to is that uncomfortable feeling one might have knowing and admitting you are not as proficient as everyone thinks you are. Sort of like trying to live up to a standard that people expect you to live up to.
Now that I dug my hole, and exposed myself……well that is the way it was and I admit it.
Other things that were going through my mind include: 1. I was not to the point where I was ready to give up my O for sure. 2. If I did fake it, would it hurt BB's feelings. Maybe! But I could live with that but still not like it. 3. Would it look like BB was missing some womanly trait. Maybe. 4. Was I less of a man or a quitter if I did fake it. I don’t want to be a quitter.
Lets say the reality of faking it, for me on one or two occasions, was just a thought induced by some troublesome side cramps that came and went, but interfered with my O for how ever long they did. I wanted my O, and was going to have it, even if it took going through some discomfort.
Maybe my mind/body had a difficult time with the idea of “Let it go for now” and revisit the sexual event in a few minuets later when I felt better.
Call it what you will, something like a male thing, you have to get there even if it cost you something. Is that different/alternative male version of women faking it?
My late husband could have orgasms, but he could not ejaculate. Lil, that seems like another topic or problem. I see where you were OK with that situation. I say good, you have a very healthy attitude. Some women don't. I read some of their stories on various forums and web sites. My hat is tipped in your direction dear lady.
When I talk about “faking it,” I think along the lines of the organs and mechanics being mostly what non-medical people consider normal.
ED, diabetes, actual hormonal problems etc, well that is another boat-load of problems or layers where I would get lost.
I have to stick to disecting/dividing some problems into pieces, analyses each piece to see if it is working within specs, work with what I have/know, and hopefully get something working with what is there or can improve /change/modify, so there is a higher level of functioning post entering the process.
Rules, rules, rules, rules-- they're EVERYWHERE!!! <scream> Lil, chill out, please. <cyber glass of your favorite relaxing beverage offered>.
When I post I write about some things that I think, or some things I heard about, or some things I wonder about. You are correct, there are a lot of implied rules that are not valid.
<in a gentle and friendly manner, also sipping on my favorite diet Pepsi> Just remember Lil, you have been going to a C for many reasons and from what you write a long time. I am not implying you had any problems in the past, just wanting you to consider that some people are not as far down the road to discovering their “internal true to self” (my word/definition) as others. I also remember you saying several times that women like Ms. HD, BB, WB et all and other LD?ND women upset you. I think I know a little of where you are coming from. At least I hope/think I know/understand.
At one time I had a lot of rules and mental tapes playing. I got rid of some/most of them when working at a successful career. (Experiencing success improves my mental attitude.) Then life hits me with economic downturns at work, medical problems, some of life’s cr@p, and some old and new tapes pop up. (Problems/failures increase the frequency of the bad tape playing) I am working on those old and new tapes/beliefs/feelings/fears/etc.
You are right about some rules, too many rules. Sometimes I feel like you. I want to drop most of them, but sometimes the ones I want to drop, the other person wants to keep, ……to feel safe or for what ever reason,...... I don’t know. All I know I don’t get to be Castro. I don’t own the country and can’t make anyone do anything. Do I want to be like too much for my own good? Do I have avoidant traits.... could be.
I also know hiding behind the rules is not working. I know exposing some of the false beliefs of some rules is healthier than I thought it was at one time. Sometimes I wonder if I should be a proper gentleman and open the door for the ladies or go with what was hammered into me at college, women are equal and need to open their own door. I am still open most doors, just seems right.
This forum and the books have helped me see where I was wrong and what I might do to make changes that I and others can live with, that are more equitable for more people.
Thanks for posting. I feel you want what is best for people and want people to be happier with the life they have.
Lou
PS How is that for Co-Counseling, mentioned in your sexual recovery book you recently quoted on a thread, or am I off?
