RE GEl
I can certainly understand why it would be difficult if not darned near impossible for a man to hold back when a woman is near an O
Believe me, It was all I could do to hold back. I even went into side cramps several (some what painful from working hard/long) times and thought I was going to have to fake it but knew if the deposit was not there after the deed, I would get busted, and I wanted my O. Any double M/FM standards here?
When I read a guy write " I just love giving my woman an O, that is all I want. I can go w/o an "O", I wince in amazement. I understand on a "different strokes for different folks" IE. intellectual level, but that is about all.
I just remembered something about [B] There are even TV programs stating that O’ing at the same time increases the chance of conception and is one of natures tricks/gifts/ways of passing on genes. Semen comes in at 28 MPH, the cervix dips into the semen pool so that means the M could O first then the FM O’s, for this preservation of the species theory to be valid at a higher level. Must be something people believe. I even heard some myths on TV that “if” the FM does not have an O, the chance of pregnancy is decreased.
Booger Butt Funny GEL. I hope I can remember to not remember that at some future sexy time.
The reason I post BB instead of wife/W is I feel that BB is a separate person with personal traits and W indicates too much of a role or sounds a little too possessive/structured.
I rarely introduce BB as "My Wife," sounds too possessive or gender role like. I might say this is B, we were married in 1968, etc.
Re your situation. I am so glad for you that you’re H is beginning to see the light and is hopefully out of his delusional fear of ?????? and you can be more authentic and express what you really want to express.
Best wishes to your Booger Butt too. BTDT with our own, now it happens with the grandkids.
So, I guess we can thus say to fake at the early stages of the R, before real deep emotional connection, commitment, and trust is natural and common. But that chit had better stop real quicklike once that level of trust and commitment is established, huh?
Well, it should, but it may not, due to a) the woman not knowing how to really reach O with a partner, and b) the intimacy may not be translating into the sexual part of the R. Not to mention, every time she fakes, the woman is digging a deeper hole to get out of. Maybe there is a point of no return. She has faked for Years and now is going to say something? Hard to do for sure. Easier to continue faking at that point. And I bet a lot of LD women (maybe some HD women too) hate the sexual act for that reason alone. They don't want to fake/lie but don't know how to get out of the vicious cycle. Better to just avoid sex altogether at times. Yes it is practical for an F to take the easier road and fake rather than digging deeper into discovering how to reach orgasm within the F body Exactly. It is often shameful for a woman to talk so openly about her O's and equally as shameful to admit she is not or can't have them. We're not real comfortable discussing faking - very taboo. As Og_Lou said, they don't even cover this stuff in advanced sexuality classes. So it's a good thing we have this board.
Geez, Lou... BUSTED? Is this making LOVE or getting arrested? You mean if you couldn't prove you had ejaculated, she would throw a fit? My late husband could have orgasms, but he could not ejaculate... probably due to diabetes.
Mr_MD I recognize that i may have exaggerated a bit. Men? Exaggerate? Nooooo But seriously, just remember that even if she does fake sometimes, it is because she does want to please you and be sexy/attractive to you. That's better than lying there like a lump of coal, right? Plus, as I've said about myself, I enjoyed every minute of the "fake" O sex. Your W seems to enjoy sex too and most of the time she probably is O-ing, so it's not that big a deal. So don't sweat, my pet. How do you approach her about this? When? Don't. Unless you think it is becoming a habitual problem. If she is avoiding sex. If she is emotionally detached. Then, you may need to address it. Note subtle reference again to Grey's Anatomy...you rock, LfL!!) Noted. And Thanks! You're too cool for school yourself!
Gosh I was trying to stay out of this conversation but .....
I agree....the necessary motion usually is interrupted when the man O's to continue to get the woman there at the same time....
That is a two way street. I have never O'd at the same time of my partner if my memory serves me right. Sometime it is because of there sift in movements but other times it is because quite frankly to be blunt (theres a surprise). When I O I force the persons member out of me with the contractions I have which kills it for them.
Quote: When I O I force the persons member out of me with the contractions I have which kills it for them.
I have done this, too. During the arousal process I like to squeeze really hard-- it helps me Get There. Unfortunately my last two partners with their ED issues have made this impossible-- my bf even said to me once during the Act, "Hey, don't push out!" because his Fragile E was to soft to stand up to the pressure.
RE Lil Geez, Lou... BUSTED? Is this making LOVE or getting arrested?.... You mean if you couldn't prove you had ejaculated, she would throw a fit?
I don't think she would do anything like that. No indication of anything like that ever happening.
When I say BUSTED, what I might be referring to is that uncomfortable feeling one might have knowing and admitting you are not as proficient as everyone thinks you are. Sort of like trying to live up to a standard that people expect you to live up to.
Now that I dug my hole, and exposed myself……well that is the way it was and I admit it.
Other things that were going through my mind include: 1. I was not to the point where I was ready to give up my O for sure. 2. If I did fake it, would it hurt BB's feelings. Maybe! But I could live with that but still not like it. 3. Would it look like BB was missing some womanly trait. Maybe. 4. Was I less of a man or a quitter if I did fake it. I don’t want to be a quitter.
Lets say the reality of faking it, for me on one or two occasions, was just a thought induced by some troublesome side cramps that came and went, but interfered with my O for how ever long they did. I wanted my O, and was going to have it, even if it took going through some discomfort.
Maybe my mind/body had a difficult time with the idea of “Let it go for now” and revisit the sexual event in a few minuets later when I felt better.
Call it what you will, something like a male thing, you have to get there even if it cost you something. Is that different/alternative male version of women faking it?
My late husband could have orgasms, but he could not ejaculate. Lil, that seems like another topic or problem. I see where you were OK with that situation. I say good, you have a very healthy attitude. Some women don't. I read some of their stories on various forums and web sites. My hat is tipped in your direction dear lady.
When I talk about “faking it,” I think along the lines of the organs and mechanics being mostly what non-medical people consider normal.
ED, diabetes, actual hormonal problems etc, well that is another boat-load of problems or layers where I would get lost.
I have to stick to disecting/dividing some problems into pieces, analyses each piece to see if it is working within specs, work with what I have/know, and hopefully get something working with what is there or can improve /change/modify, so there is a higher level of functioning post entering the process.
Rules, rules, rules, rules-- they're EVERYWHERE!!! <scream> Lil, chill out, please. <cyber glass of your favorite relaxing beverage offered>.
When I post I write about some things that I think, or some things I heard about, or some things I wonder about. You are correct, there are a lot of implied rules that are not valid.
<in a gentle and friendly manner, also sipping on my favorite diet Pepsi> Just remember Lil, you have been going to a C for many reasons and from what you write a long time. I am not implying you had any problems in the past, just wanting you to consider that some people are not as far down the road to discovering their “internal true to self” (my word/definition) as others. I also remember you saying several times that women like Ms. HD, BB, WB et all and other LD?ND women upset you. I think I know a little of where you are coming from. At least I hope/think I know/understand.
At one time I had a lot of rules and mental tapes playing. I got rid of some/most of them when working at a successful career. (Experiencing success improves my mental attitude.) Then life hits me with economic downturns at work, medical problems, some of life’s cr@p, and some old and new tapes pop up. (Problems/failures increase the frequency of the bad tape playing) I am working on those old and new tapes/beliefs/feelings/fears/etc.
You are right about some rules, too many rules. Sometimes I feel like you. I want to drop most of them, but sometimes the ones I want to drop, the other person wants to keep, ……to feel safe or for what ever reason,...... I don’t know. All I know I don’t get to be Castro. I don’t own the country and can’t make anyone do anything. Do I want to be like too much for my own good? Do I have avoidant traits.... could be.
I also know hiding behind the rules is not working. I know exposing some of the false beliefs of some rules is healthier than I thought it was at one time. Sometimes I wonder if I should be a proper gentleman and open the door for the ladies or go with what was hammered into me at college, women are equal and need to open their own door. I am still open most doors, just seems right.
This forum and the books have helped me see where I was wrong and what I might do to make changes that I and others can live with, that are more equitable for more people.
Thanks for posting. I feel you want what is best for people and want people to be happier with the life they have.
Lou
PS How is that for Co-Counseling, mentioned in your sexual recovery book you recently quoted on a thread, or am I off?
Chrissy/Lil I force the persons member out of me really????More surprises. I thought an erection as hard as a rock/stick would stay in. But I have limited experience in general and none of what you talk about. Just proves that rules and thoughts are not always what is.
Learning something new every week. Just proves what one college prof said, if we knew the whole/real truth, it is more interesting than most fiction.
My contractions happen during and after my O. And always end up pushing the H out no matter how firm he is. Not sure why it happens or if it is common. I have never really given it much thought maybe it is endowment issues or god knows what we could ponder as to why but I only know it would make us both having a orgasm at the same time improbable cause that sensation/motion is gonna change for one of us.
was not there after the deed, I would get busted, and I wanted my O. 
My late husband could have orgasms, but he could not ejaculate... probably due to diabetes. 
