Not perplexed by the whys of faking, LFL. Totally get it. Sensitivity to the M ego. I was just expressing personal unhappiness over not being told the truth so I can work on better methods to satisfy her in ways she truly enjoys. And I hate OP taking my power. If I lose my power I decide when and how.
The F takes that power upon herself selfishly, denying the M of any say in the matter, andd dictates who shall be aware of what. Unfair. And willingly keeping the SO in the dark about such an important seminal event is damaging IMO.
I found your points on "power" to be interesting. That is the crux of the problem. The fact that men have NO power to control the woman's O and it is maddening! For guys who need control in the R (I'm not saying that is you), but for them, I think they would not be willing to put up with a woman who did not either a) have authentic O's during sex and/or b) faked O's during sex.
And your example is only one-dimension. I cannot choose between these two Fs, based on sexual gratification alone. For casual no strings encounters? Perhaps. But for an open and honest long term R? No. I prefer the first F time and time again.
Well, of course it is one-dimensional. We were strictly talking about sex and O's. But I still stand by my statements. Given the choice between the two (with everything else fairly equal in the R), men will choose the woman supposedly into sex. Not rocket science here. And I also think if both women acted as such from the beginning of the R, that the "not into sex" woman would NOT be making it to stage two, long-term R material. Thus, MANY women will fake O's at the beginning of R in order to appeal to the man. Is that sneaky, maybe. But I think sex in R at the beginning can be quite awkward for a woman, "does he think I'm fat, attractive, sexy", blah blah). It is hard to concentrate on the O sometimes. So she fakes. I've done this myself so I'm not totally pulling this out of my arse. Anytime I have moved on to a more serious R, I have always made sure to have my sexual needs fulfilled however. Did the guy know about any of this? Heck no. It's not like I was totally changing the game plan or anything. Just getting more comfortable expressing my true feelings/needs and trusted him to respond positively. In fact, I don't think I have had any bad sexual experiences with men that I can think of. Lucky me. So it works for some women. The problem is when the woman has no sense of EVER getting her sexual needs met. Or just doesn't know how to. That is quite sad but so true for many women. And I think the man will grow to resent it as the R/M continues. Just as you stated at the end: If allowed to continue over a period of years the self-awareness within the F that she is not feeling satisfied via mutual climax will start to grow the seeds of resentment.
So we agree in the end. And the man may be just as resentful as the woman about the lack of O's. So there is a HUGE push to continue the faking. It is often better for the woman to fake (her rationalization)than to risk having her H feel like she is not a good sexual partner. That can lead to a whole mess of problems much worse than her "lie", like affairs, divorce, etc. Women who fake aren't stupid. They're just practical. And given the number of HD women on this board who have faked at some point in their life, I think it only makes sense that the LD women of the H's on this board are almost certainly faking now and again. I would bet big money on it. But alas, one can never really know for sure. Are there any LD women on this board who want to share?
