well, I gotta say I didn't have one freakin' clue that my O-- whether I had one, HOW I had one, WHO precisely tickled the bits to MAKE me have one, whether we were IC at the time or manual/oral-- could possibly make this much difference to any one man, ral or hypothetical! It certainly never occurred to me that issues of honesty on MY part or competence on HIS part were involved in my reaching down to tickle myself if I felt so inclined due to necessity or just for the heck of it because it felt good. I haven't hidden that I do it-- anyone can plainly see me doing it.

I guess my approach (through luck, not design) and that of my partners has been pretty much "if it feels good, do it" "and "if that doesn't work, try something else."

I do have to credit one particular very relaxed, confident, playful lover with giving both of us permission to assist, fondle, take matters into our own hands, etc. and do whatever we felt like. Like jazz improv. The last time we were together before his death, even though we had been lovers off and on for 22 years, we still discovered some new stuff we hadn't tried yet!

And then there was the one guy who was 28 years older than me. Warning TMI follows: He used to kneel between my legs and stimulate himself (while I did the same to myself, not to be idle) until just before climax which was the only time he was hard enough to put it in. I feel I can say with some assurance that it never occurred to either of us that this was settling for less... it's just the way we did it. He was a retired colonel, ex WWII fighter pilot and a hell of a guy. Maybe he was wishing for something different, but he always seemed to like what we did. (And he was VERY horny most of the time well into his 60's.) Also now deceased.

I guess I've dealt with more than my share of <ahem> non-traditional physical circumstances. Watch out you 30- and 40-somethings-- they're in YOUR future. Be adaptable!

I believe these are the RULES that I've quoted passages about a couple of times. There are no RULES except to be open and do what feels good. If the only way you can climax is on your back in the bathtub while your partner plays the violin-- so be it. No one should take offense or feel inadequate. If you don't play the violin, buy a nice CD of Joshua Bell or Itzhak Perlman. Just be glad you discovered this little quirk and enjoy!