(Stig, as for the meal analogy, what if your W worked very hard on your favorite meal and it just didn't come together right? Is it possible that you might express gratitude and enjoyment even though it wasn't quite working for you? What if the meal was perfect, but you'd just brushed your teeth and eaten grapefruit so it wasn't tasting right?)
- Thanks for the post, OT. And I will not discuss pornography at this point. I would rather tackle one issue at a time. But I do have my thoughts on that as well.
As to your points. If she worked very hard on the "meal" and it didn't turn out very well I would, yes, express my gratitude. If we both are aware it did not turn out quite right and she asked what could be improved....I would respond with a suggestion of spices and/or seasonings or cooking methods. I would give her guidance. Tell her what makes my taste-buds go overboard.
Your second example. The meal is perfect but I have brushed my teeth etc. Ahhh, now, see? This is beyond her control.
This is my issue and mine alone. If we're talking sex I would compare this to me having ED or premature ejaculation. I was the one who brushed my teeth. I was the one who ate the grapefruit. I am the one with the problem.
So, just as it is up to the F who doesn't "feel" the O to look to herself for the answer, despite an otherwise "perfect" sexual encounter, it also is up to me to work out for myself why I am not enjoying the "meal."
...ie, "lay off the teeth brushing and grapefruit next time, Stigmata." KWIM?
-Stigmata-
PS. And one more thing. Yes, I would be honest about it. "Your otherwise perfect meal doesn't taste very good to me because I just brushed my teeth and ate grapefruit, sweetheart." (for some odd reason BTW )
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
