Faking Os and roadblocks to intimacy

[Stigmata]

...Stigmata also seemed perplexed as to why women would fake and OG-Lou's summary says it all. Women realize the man puts A LOT of weight on the woman's O whether he means to or not.

- Not perplexed by the whys of faking, LFL. Totally get it. Sensitivity to the M ego. I was just expressing personal unhappiness over not being told the truth so I can work on better methods to satisfy her in ways she truly enjoys. And I hate OP taking my power. If I lose my power I decide when and how.

The F takes that power upon herself selfishly, denying the M of any say in the matter, andd dictates who shall be aware of what. Unfair. And willingly keeping the SO in the dark about such an important seminal event is damaging IMO.

Now, I suppose I could bring up "do I look fat in these jeans?" Land mine. Blunt honesty from M without humor is equally damaging perhaps. But this is not comparable IMO. The F can ask other Fs the same and they will tell or (or not). The O is way too personal/intimate to be messing around with dishonesty. No one else can be involved, such as other Fs, either. And the jeans example is not a mutually intense event, as is ML.

Some guys have said they wouldn't care/mind if their S o'd or not during the act as long as she was being honest. I call BS on that. If a man had the option of being with a woman who did not enjoy sex but was honest about it and being with a woman who seemed to love sex, O all the time, etc, and had no real way of telling if she was "faking", I think most guys would choose the woman who at least put on the show. Not all but most.

- Hm, then I may be full of BS. I have to make an important distinction here. First. The F "who didn't enjoy sex" but was honest about it.

I would try and understand why she didn't enjoy sex and I would greatly greatly appreciate her honesty. I would be mortified to discover she felt terrible or traumatized by my encounters with her--as she faked pleasure each time. "Why didn't you tell me that's how you felt??" would be my exclamation.

And the second woman who seemed to really enjoy sex but may or may not have faked but always O'd. If I were in the early stages of dating and just wanted to get my rocks off? Sure, that would be nice. And if I found out she was faking the whole time? Hmmmm, kinda takes the enjoyment out of all of her "eagerness" IMO. If there was no deeper EC I would probably hit the road.

And your example is only one-dimension. I cannot choose between these two Fs, based on sexual gratification alone. For casual no strings encounters? Perhaps. But for an open and honest long term R? No. I prefer the first F time and time again.

Her honesty tells me she respects me and I can trust her to tell me anything. She went way out on a limb to tell me this, knowing I might kick her to the curb (which I wouldn't), and that's pretty damned brave and admirable. And I will do everything in my power to help myself and her to understand why she feels this way.

So it's not as easy as choosing between sex with an honest repressed/uncomfortable F and an sexpot who Os (real or not real) with the best of them.

At least for me sex is an secondary issue in my R.

I need to feel as one with this person in all of the nonphysical ways first. For me, honesty and vulnerability in this regard makes major cash infusions into my love bank. Keeping me in the dark and faking pleasure, if discovered, makes withdrawals. And if undiscovered? A la "ignorance is bliss"? Still makes withdrawals from the "joint account" of the R...and, I would claim, perhaps from the F's own love bank account for reasons I have stated in my post to Lou:

If allowed to continue over a period of years the self-awareness within the F that she is not feeling satisfied via mutual climax will start to grow the seeds of resentment.

And that's the biggest potential LB withdrawal of them all in terms of both the M and F accounts, as far as I'm concerned.

-Stigmata-