RE: Stig
It becomes such when we have a schematic wiring diagram of the billion neural pathways and are able to pinpoint the O circuitry. Until then, try not to be selfish during LM and just pay attention.
Good post Stig. You have wonderful writing skills.
We heard a lot about FM's faking "O"'s. Here are some Why's I think about or what used to motivate me for wanting BB to have "O"'s.
If she has an "O": (not necessarily correct ways of thinking)
1. I shared some pleasurable times/events with her. (increased bonding)
2. I am a good lover. (bonding and ego stroking)
3.. I took the time or action she needed. (I am considerate)
4. .She accepted my gift of love and sexuality (what I have is valuable and the FM wants the same thing)
5. She will have sex with me more often. (increasing the supply)
6. The sex will be better and maybe more frequent. (increasing the quality / value of sex)
7. The more value the sex is to the FM, with me, the less she will be looking elsewhere. (decreasing the potential competition's value)
8. When we both have an "O", my "O"'s are more intense. (increasing the pleasure) I hope it works that way for her too.
9. She got about an equal (or some similar word) amount of pleasure from the sexual encounter as I did. I don't want the only person to be having a great deal of excitement/pleasure/fun. Sort of like only having one Oreo cookie. If we split it, it seems fair. If I eat the only cookie ( only one having an "O", I feel like I was selfish. (avoiding guilt) Not too different than wanting the OP to have as good a time as we had.
On #9 I think guys have a difficult time really knowing or being able to feel what pleasure women have/get from sex and ML. I think guys/me want to see some sign that what men are doing or wanting is what the woman wants too, a similarly shared experience.
And the main point for ME,
10. Biology, "O"'s feel so good, in a rewarding, committed relationships, and the process getting there is wonderful.
An analogy might be a guy liking golf and his W goes along with him every time but she never seems interested in the score, the equipment, or the other elements of the game. He loves to better his score, likes to talk about equipment and just loves her to be with him. She just likes to walk on the grass, feel the breeze blowing and goes through the golf motions to get outdoors and be with him because he wants her there. Deep down, golf is really not her thing. (analogy enhanced to make a point)
More pluses (feelings, thoughts, beliefs, but again not necessarily correct ) to want or wish the FM has an "O", but no time to list them.
Back to Stig
Get over it. It's not our responsibility......Until then, try not to be selfish during LM and just pay attention.
The only thing I will ad/ask is what to do about a wife/SO that won't/suppresses/doesn't give clues?
I get the point, I can't make her have "o"'s if she does not want them. I don't have the right to ask for her to have an "O". I don't have the power to make her "O". Lots of things in this area are out of my control.
I also get the point that sex with out "O"'s for the woman can still be pleasurable for her. And I should stay out of her head/sh!t/stuff. Sometimes it is lonely staying out of the loop.
Thanks Stig.
Lou
Take what you can use, dissagree with parts that seem wrong.
