Was just browsing thru Piecing (because I think this will now become my new home) and saw your posting! After reading thru them, all I can say is CONGRATULATIONS! Sounds like things are really going well for you, albeit slowly.
My H moved out in December 2005 and has just recently come back home in pretty much the same manner as your wife - has never really "said" moving back in, but more and more of his things are here. Yes, there are still lots of items in the other location, but the "necessities" are here.
Also, like your wife, my H "says" things to indicate he is staying. But I'm sure the most frustrating part for you and I both is that they won't actually just come out and say it!
Yes, lots of positive things happening. And just like you, sometimes I feel the need to push. That's when things seem to tense up. I MUST learn to stop the pushing. As you said, when I just sit back and wait, that is when it happens.
Sorry about the couch situation - know how difficult that must be for you. My H and I are sleeping in the same bed (we always have - even when fighting) and sex continues as usual. BUT - the "romance" is not really there.
My H has always fancied himself the Big Romantic Guy! Love notes, poems, etc. ALL the time. Sometimes even annoyingly so. Unfortunately, I didn't appreciate them and got to the point of expecting them all the time. It literally became a 'chore' for him and of course, no fun anymore.
So now we are "seemingly" back together, but that romantic guy is gone. We've talked about it, and he always says that he "just doesn't feel it anymore and doesn't think out it." OUCH - that really hurts, but I guess I deserve it.
I have been in counseling since November 2005 and it has helped me a GREAT deal. And tonight is H's first counseling! Took him a long time to agree to go, but the waiting has paid off and he's ready! Actually, he was going with me before back in November when our troubles started, but gave up after three sessions. Got real stubborn and mad that nothing had changed in three bi-weekly sessions. (Gee - imagine that! No changes in only three sessions! )
So anyway, tonight is his first session (individual, of course - same counselor, but we are now doing individual sessions - when we are both ready, they will go to 'together' sessions). he is actually excited about it, which makes me excited about it. Believe it or not, he is anxious to see why he no longer feels romantic. He says he wants to be, but just doesn't feel like it, you know?
So, don't be sad about no intimacy. When it happens, it will be perfect, I'm sure. I almost wish we didn't have it, because as in your situation, we are getting along more like best friends rather than husband and wife. And we've been married 21 years. It's like making love to my best friend - I don't want a best friend - I want my H!
But, as you said, things are getting better each day. We just have to sit back and let it happen. Both our spouses are dealing with a lot of things right now and they need our love and patience more than ever before.
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