Quote: which you already have in my mind this is all just fine tweaking stuff
After I got off the computer and went about my day (the last two) those words really stuck with me. Which really changed my attitude. I had been carrying around this low level anxiety all the time. Still constantly wondering if I was going to get hit with another bomb. This, of course, caused me to act differently than if I were completely sure of myself. It wasn't the kind of anxiety that was present previously but still something. I had to pretend it didn't exist to appear to be who I wanted to be.
That statement allowed that resident anxiety to drop another notch, and a big one. And I truly believe that geting rid of that anxiety is the answer to all this. Truly becoming ourselves and doing and saying what we want.
In Essence, being a little selfish
I am going to re-read Ayn Rand's "The virtue of Selfishness"
Selfishness= The idea that I am going to do my own thing no matter what. I'd sure like you to come along. As a matter of fact I'd love it. But I'm going this way for me.
This allows us to live our lives symbiotically not parasitically. (That's a word, I made it up)
Last night we went to another fun romantic 3 hour dinner. I was sitting there thinking, this woman, my wife, thoroughly enjoys my company. She doesn't like most people, is not at all accepting (although that is changing) but she wouldn't want to be without me. That is a fact. She loves spending time with me.
We talked about our D (started calling her that) who has been dating her first boyfriend for 9 weeks. She's 17 and independent as hell. At first she was head over heels with this guy. But I see it dwindling fast. He's insecure and smothering. she laughs at that. He doesn't know it yet but it's a sure bet he's gonna be gone soon.
Our conversation gave me a great deal of insight.
So this weekend I'm actually going to spend some time apart. Today I have something I need to do and tommorrow she does. We have great times together. We really need more time apart. Just as BJ's daughter said.
