It used to be that when we went away it was always a very intimate experience. She was ussually very aggressive and the love making started the moment we walked through the hotel door. Even if it was a business trip. Often times she initiated.
When the R problems started we went on a trip and there was a lot of percieved pressure throughout the day. We had never stayed in a motel and not made love. When we went to bed that night she very loudly declared she just wanted to sleep.
I do very much feel that this is what she was talking about. Expectations, because our love life was so fantastic in the past. Going to a hotel would put that pressure on. Or at least she would think so.
But today I'm looking at this as a good thing. At least it is on the table. She is thinking about it. It is a consideration.
I've been waiting for a long time to suggest we go to the coast. We have a gift certificate for a very romantic B & B which I'd like for us to use. Up until very recently suggesting using it would have been ridiculous. Now she said yes with limitations and we decided the drive was too far for one night. It's on the table now though and we can plan a weekend.
By the "that time of month" comment I really meant that due to the fact that it's been nearly two years this will be kinda like our first time. I was thinking she would want the first time to be perfect. Yesterday we were both very groggy and tired. The massage released a tremendous amount of toxins and we felt it. I never know it's that time of the month unless she mentions it or I notice the products laying around. She has said that sometimes she gets moody but I can't differentiate it from any other time.
The weather has been making it difficult. We all expect to be able to be out doing things. We've had rain nearly every day since January. We're at 220% of normal for the year. Our little town has been on the national news for the tremendous amount of flooding and dangers of dams breaking. Having grown up in the Pacific Northwest it doesn't bother me. But I am noticing that a lot of people seem to be getting depressed. This has definetely put a damper on what should be spring activities. The weather is just crazy and everyone is feeling it.
We are actually in the process of feng shui' ing the quan. We're designing things and chosing new colors. This is helpful.
We spend a tremendous amount of quality time together. Each morning now she comes to sit with me on the couch and talk. I came to her for a long time for this. Now she comes to me and I make myself available. This is a good every day ritual. Normally we talk and talk and talk. Amazing we have so much to talk about.
she found the "The sex starved marriage" under my pillow while cleaning. This may have made her feel like there was pressure.
One thing that used to really liven our relationship was going to dinner with other couples. We used to do this ritualistically with a really close friend and we would always make love after coming home. That friend committed suicide. That was devastating. We recently tried going out with another couple but the ties back to work made this very uncomfortable. We need to go out with someone not related at all to our work and that is difficult. I've been thinking and thinking but we are so involved with the community that everyone ties back to work.
I really believe this is a big part of the answer. Having a social life that in no way involves work. With interesting couples that do not relate to us as Black belts. this was a big problem with my grandmaster. Although hundreds of people loved and respected him, he was actually very lonely. He had to keep the image and that was very exhausting. This is a big problem for us.
Today I will pick up the paper and see what classes we can find to go to. I will really have my eyes open for finding a social life that does not relate to our work.
Thanks BJ. You've set me on a positive path again.
