Quote: BTW, I found it interesting that you took my last post to be so harsh. Methinks you may be pretty down on yourself. Don't be -- you are being very strong and compassionate. Notice that all I said really was... don't do things that hurt you, own your choices, be honest with yourself and others, choose things that you want. You aren't supposed to be perfect at this or even know how to handle it well. You haven't been through it before.
Thanks OT, I don't know if it's down on myself, or that I've always been way too critical of myself. Sometimes I do things that I think or feel are right as I'm doing them, then think about them later and find I should've/could've done them differently or better. I really appreciate your advice and don't want you to think I don't take it into consideration, because I do, as well as everyone elses. Maybe I don't want to be a "failure" to you guys!
Quote: I'm with you and GH on the confronting the SO thing. He is sending you mixed signals because he doesn't know what he wants. Crowding him on it will NOT help and is not loving. What I believe will help is giving you both emotional space.You may want to share where you are with him, though, or at least try to get it straight in your head.
I think I have things straight in my head, lol. Sometimes I try to "see" how I am towards him. It's hard. I rarely contact him - it's usually the other way around, most everything is intitiated by him. i try to look at our contact thru his eyes at times, just to try & see how he "sees" me: if I'm being aloof or distant or cold or open & friendly or whatever and, well, I don't do a very good job of that. Maybe that's why I post every little thing - just to get outsiders POV's as to what goes on between us and any different approaches, answers, etc.
Quote: P.S. How about a direct response to SO about why you don't text him etc..., rather than "I didn't know it was required." Gee, SO, I get confused about how to deal with your attention. I have really enjoyed spending time with you lately, and I hope we continue to do so, but in the process, I need to protect my feelings right now by maintaining some emotional space so that I can learn to have a wonderful life with you in it, not necessarily as SO.
OK - I've tried this. I think because I've been so wishy-washy lately, he doesn't completely believe me. Then there's the kids - he has no problem using them as an excuse to talk to me, lol. I usually stay away from that.
Quote: You are just in a tough place, receiving mixed signals and not doing a very good job interpreting them. None of us do.
Quote: I really like your idea of waiting, especially since you think he'll talk eventually. Let him take his time his way, and you take yours your way. The two WILL meet at some point and then you can talk in a way, and at a time, that works for both of you.
I think this is great advice, GH. I like the way you said it. Sometimes, he'll say things like He has no idea WHY I asked him moved out. Is he serious or WTH? Does he really not know?
Quote: Remaining wishy washy without clear boundaries will not help him with his confusion, nor you with living with it. But, you figured this out (Though, back off what exactly???) Or, you could put it in terms of an "I" statement...
"I" statement examples appreciated! LOL. Yes, me & MY wishy-washy"ness"....adds to his....equaling major confusion on all parts. I guess I know by stating my boundaries, it will indeed push him away - maybe for just a little while, maybe forever. That thought scares me. Perhaps a necessary evil for the long-term. No matter what the outcome.
Quote: By saying that you're still too emotionally dependent on him, all I was referencing was that you've been letting your need to feel his love get in the way of your decisions.
OH - OK, RB. Thanks for clarifying - that makes more sense to me. Thanks everyone, for your advice and comments.
