Quote: B!tchy is not the opposite of distancing; it's the opposite of loving.
Maybe it feels that way, but b!tchy is not the opposite of loving, apathy is. I know what you mean though, and being b!tchy or nagging can KILL love for sure.
NM, the hardest thing, IMHO, for us is to decide when to take off the brakes and let our verbal selves loose on the situation. We are being told NO R TALK for so long and then the idea of "well, should I start talking to him about this?" creeps in. We're like recovering drug addicts trying to figure out if we should take penicillin to fight a virus. We know IT'S a drug and we're not supposed to take drugs anymore BUT...well, maybe THIS drug will help. In our case, the R talk may be penicillin, or it could be more crack, just as likely to pull us back down into addiction as it is to fix us.
Anyway, it's a tough decision we all have to make. I still have not decided it's time to talk with my W yet, mainly because I can still SEE progress being made (at a snail's pace mind you) so I can resist the need to HEAR reassuring words from my W.
Your H seems REALLY confused still, but more confused on the side of "WTH am I doing to my life" than "what the hell am I doing with my wife." That seems to be a good thing.
Should you talk to him? I can't answer that. What could he tell you that would change things? WILL he tell you that? What could he say that would damage things? Will he say those things? Those are the great unknowns and it's why it's a leap of faith to start the dialog once again with our WAS. Like all decisions in this process, you only make the decision when you feel most prepared for ANY outcome, not just the one you HOPE for.
