Because that's the way it's been for so long we don't know anything else? Because I've always done whatever I could to support his career, to the extent that it cut into our family time? Becasue I've always been the one to take care of the kids? Because we've never been in this situation before?
Quote: What can you do to break the pattern? Quit playing the same role.
I don't know - that's what I'm trying to figure out.
Quote: Quit being him mom. Treat him as an equal partner who needs to own his responsibilities. Time for him to step up to the plate and time for you to share it.
I agree. I'm going to ask him to sit down with me so we can both work on a mutually agreeable schedule.
Right now, his schedule is as follows: Mornings - Monday thru Friday 5 AM - to 11/12 PM. Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday nights at bar gigs from 6-7 PM until...whenever Throw in the odd remote on Saturday/Sunday afternoons (they're usually 11-1 or 12-2) And...weddings/parties scheduled on Friday nights/Saturday afternoons or nights/Sunday afternoon or nights And, that everything around here is at least 1 hour drive time one-way.
Yes, there's times he's double-booked. In those cases, he's got road guys/other DJ's to do the bar gigs. He is the only one that does the weddings/parties.
So, with all this work, when does he sleep, you might ask? Afternoons. After getting off the air and before the start of the bar gig. I personally wonder how much longer he can physically do this. It can't be healthy. Just my concern...
To answer, GH, I met him BEFORE he did this. So, when he got the job - I actually encouraged him to take it as far as he could. I was there with him when he got his first job, did all I could to help him make his lifelong dream a reality. That's meant living in 4 states; that's meant 3 of us living on $14,000 a year in Alafreakingbama; that's meant watching him get fired (a common thing in radio); that's meant pawning things to make ends meet. And I've never once asked him to stop. If anything, I have always urged him to do whatever he could for his career - even when I knew what it could mean to our personal life or family.
I just can't see him doing anything else. And I would never ask him to quit the job he loves and go hang sheet rock (or whatever) just to make more money. Not only would he end up resenting me, but I wouldn't ever expect him to do that. I dont know how to explain it the right way.
And, like I've said - he doesn't like doing the bar gigs. He doesn't even really like doing the weddings. But the weddings & bar gigs pay the bills. Some weddings he gets $2000 for 4 hours! We've talked about it in the past, and under ideal situations, the way he would like it to be...working on air, one bar gig per week, and taking weddings/parties only once or twice a month - at his preference. That will only happen once he gets established as a morning guy and gets a higher salary...
So..to answer you GH, Yes, I feel I've supported him and encouraged his career.
And yes - at times I have also gotten PO'd at his schedule. It's tough - when someone books a wedding one year in advance - who the hell knows what we have going on in our lives on that particular weekend one year later...like D7 having a school function, or whatever. So, while I encourage, yes I'm guilty of hating it at the same time.
However, I always tried to take the POV that it wouldn't be this way forever. Sacrifice now...for the long term benefits.
