Imagine you get a job and SO says to you: "NM, I know we need the money and that your job is important to you. I just want you to know that I really support you getting a job and will help figure out how you can make this work with the kids. I've given it quite a lot of thought and I think I've figured out how much and when you can work. I expect you agree to my terms, and I certainly don't want you using a BABYSITTER if you get called in unexpectedly."
Now instead imagine you get a job and SO says to you: "NM, great news about your job! Let's figure out a visitation and childcare plan that works for both of us and the kids. We need to have something that we can plan in advance so that we both have reasonable opportunities to make our own plans."
Which option is truly supportive and caring? Which is controlling and manipulative?
What is so TERRIBLE about a babysitter? You are comfortable using childcare when you have the kids, but SO is an evil father for potentially doing so???
It is perfectly reasonable to think about how SO's job will affect childcare, and it would be irresponsible not to do so. But, why are you obsessing over whether you should accept his working or not? What are you going to do? He is an adult human being. Instead of trying to use your psychic abilities to determine how things might work out under various scenarios and then forcing the one you like best, why don't you seriously sit down and work with him on establishing a reliable schedule and setting some rules for it with respect to cancellation/alternative childcare/etc...
XH's first birthday out of the house he was flying to another state to visit family. We went out the night before. I asked if I could join him on the trip. He said he didn't know/how would it work/etc... because he didn't have the guts to say no. I said I'd figure it out. I proceeded to go home and make flight reservations that were fully refundable so no pressure (yeah right), and then talked to him and told him we were all set if he decided I could go. I'm not quite sure why I bring up this case, except that something about my controlling behavior and inappropriate invasive and intruding behavior remind me of what you are doing with SO and his job. Can't put my finger on it more than that....
