All right - I finally remembered the "thing" I didn't react to....now that's it come back around to bite me. SO has taken another bar gig on Saturday nights. When he told me, I never said a word about it, now - when he tells me he can't take the kids tomorrow night like planned I finally realize the impact this will have. He says once it gets going and he gets a following, he won't have to be there every saturday night. He's got other guys to cover for him when he takes the kids and/or if he's got a wedding/party already on his books.
This has me PO'd. We need the money desperately, yet at what cost to the kids? I feel like I can't discuss it with him. I don't know HOW to discuss it with him without losing my temper. He takes home $500 in that night - more than some people make in a week - more than I would make in week if I worked full-time. He says it's because he now has the added expense of the rent at his apartment.
I have to let it go, for now. Until I process everything and can rationally talk with him about it. OT - I'm sure you're going to jump all over this, but I just don't feel like dealing with it. Let him go. He's the one losing out on time with his kids. I do not want to force the issue of him taking them, because then the kids will just be tossed to a babysitter. Me going out, or forcing the issue just isn't worth it to me right now. I would rather stay home & be with the kids; or take the kids up to my/his family for the weekend than to have him shove them off on a sitter on the night he's supposed to have them. I'll figure something else out later. And that's all I'm going to say about that! And no - I'm not playing doormat - I simply need to figure out a solution first before I jump in with no life preserver.
On another note - he called last night around 9 - I answered mostly because I was curious, LOL. He had already called to speak with the kids/me earlier. He asked me if I could look something up on the computer for him. Now, before you say anything - this was a major point of contention between us. A few months back, I simply refused to do anything like this for him anymore. He was always calling asking me to get him songs, print things, type things, etc. I stopped doing all that. So he asked me to do this, I said OK. Did it, called him & gave him the info. While on the phone with him - I could hear others around him, he thanked me profusely, then says "I'll see you soon" . Later on before I went to bed I checked my email and there was one from him: "Thanks for being my secretary again. xo Good Nite". I didn't answer.
Then he called around 1 AM after he got out of work. I thought the phone was unplugged, but I guess it wasn't. I didn't answer the 1st time, then he called back - so I picked up. Minor chitchat, with one little thing - kidding around we were asking what the other was doing (like duh - it's 1 am - what else would we be doing!) - he replied "I'm headed home. I mean, I'm headed to my apartment". I didn't comment on that, let it slide by. He also asked if it was ok that he come here Saturday & Sunday to finish up the work on the yard, hang out with the kids, and other things that need to be done. I said OK. His mother asked us to dinner on Sunday - I may take the kids and go. Leave him here by himself. Haven't decided that yet. I may even go tomorrow and stay the night. Still trying to decide.
This morning he called and after talking with the kids asked to speak with me. That's unusual. He thanked me again for getting the info for him last night and said OK, I'll talk to you tonight. No, I'll call you later. " I said OK. I don't think I'll answer. I may go to wal-mart, lol - OT, and I won't answer my cell either.
Dropping my resume off today to a couple of places. Haven't heard from the old company yet. So, they can KMA! LOL I'm not sure they can give me what I would need anyway.
And no - I'm not playing doormat - I simply need to figure out a solution first before I jump in with no life preserver. 
