Quote: IMPO, you are making this separation easy for him by having him have full use of the house and family whenever he wishes. I also think it is bull that the current pattern with seeing the kids is the only one that would work. If you were D (yeah, I know, you aren't married), but if you were D, you would find an arrangement to make this work. You are using this as an excuse to see him and control him.
I just can't figure out any other solution other than telling him he can't come here. I have no idea how to fit in him seeing the kids with his work schedule. You will probably tell me to let him figure it out, right?
Even though we are not married, I do see this as a kind of D. THIS would be the solution. For now. It doesn't have to be this way forever. Nor do I plan on it being so. How do I envision the future, you may ask next? Well, I don't know. Not yet. I'm still getting my act together. Who knows - maybe I'll make the decision to move South. I don't know. Maybe he'll get a job offer and move out of state. I don't know. Crystal ball has been dim for a while now.
Until such time that I know what "I" want to do next, I'm doing what I can. Getting a job; working on me; and yes, I'll admit I'm guilty of trying to simultaneously work on some of our "R" issues. And maybe that's too much. Maybe I should just completely let go. Maybe some day soon I will learn exactly how to do that.
Quote: You will never win your SO by trying to limit his options for happiness without you, or by preventing him from seeing how happy he might be without you. Love is not driven by fear.
True. This is what I was thinking when I asked him to move out. So, what am I doing wrong? How come I feel like no matter what I do or don't do; whatever I say or don't say just isn't right?
Quote: I would be very surprised if you don't now see him backing off, or after a few more rounds of sex, backing off. I'd also be very surprised if you don't feel a bit miserable for awhile -- not because you miss him, but because you don't like feeling like your old self.
Actually, he was still the same old, same old - emailing & calling last night & today. His email telling me he was coming out this way today was unexpected as well. Like he was fishing- however I did not take the bait. I backed off. Like you said. Had we not had sex yesterday - maybe I would have done everything in my power to invite him over for the afternoon. Who knows.
To be blunt....today, I'm just not in the mood. Still upset with myself. And I want to stop all communication with him completely. I guess that goes along with what you're saying about "not liking feeling like my old self". You're right. I don't like feeling that way.
