Quote: Are you doing it all wrong please tell me if there is a right way to deal with unwanted chaos in our lifes and if so what it is. Each situation is different as the individuals in the situation. I am just a outsider looking in not dealing with the emotional chaos you feel. Every person here feels differently even if the sitches are simular and I am definetly not one to judge your actions. You know the old adage people in glass houses should not throw stones. Even so I do not see anything you did as bad if you wanted or needed it for some reason.
Wanted it? Needed it? LOL. This is killing me. We were always very active in that area. Like every other day. So anything less than that - well, enough said. And it goes along with this:
Quote: Confused yourself by acting on your own needs. Though H started it you responded to it. Nothing confusing in that. I find the fact that he keeps coming to you as confusing to you since other woman is there to meet his needs and prior to his leaving he felt that was what he wanted. ut now that does not seem to be satisfying him either.Again is this a signal that all is not well and he made a mistake or just a case of having his cake and eatting it to. How are you to define the intent of his actions. You can't you are just second guessing them I think that is what is confusing you.
You have said it better than I could have. That's it exactly! If the OW is so wonderful, if he's packed up & moved out to go pursue that other R, then why the hell is he still coming back to me? That's where all MY confusion comes in. I'm still trying to learn his intent and meaning behind it all. I need to stop that - trying to figure HIM out and just worry about my own damn self.
Quote: Sounds logical. But you do not always need to be present unless you want to. Let him be responsible for the kids in his time with them. If you feel more comfortable with it being in your home fine just maybe you should make yourself scarce sometimes when he is there. Unavailable like he is when he is with the other woman.
Sorry - I didn't mean to make it sound like I was here all the time. I've been using these times that he's scheduled to be here to get out when I can. I usually do leave for a bit when he comes here. He's only the taken kids to his place once - the 1st weekend he moved out. And, everything he brought of the kids to his place, he brought back. Didn't leave anything there.
Quote: Too much opportunity for OW to get involved I understand this. The thought of my H in another relationship does not rile me but the thought of my kids being involved within that relationship can set me off. They are mine and I want no one else to step into my shoes with them even for a minute.
The major problem that I have with this is that *we* still are involved to a degree. On the good side, he has NOT ever indicated to me that he wants to involve the kids in that R with OW - yet. I think he knows that by being involved with me at some levels, that should he want to introduce the kids - it would signify an END to everything with me. In the past, I have point blank told him that. Maybe my way of controlling things, as Oldtimer pointed out once. I had told him that there would be no way that type of scenario was ever going to occur. The subject has not come up since he's moved out. I find that strange as well. Especially since OW's issues (that I'm aware of) were meeting his kids and his family. So far - no go on either of those issues.
Quote: Am I wrong thinking that? Not sure. My worry is that since he is still feeling the effects of the comfort of home he will over look how stark that apartment is for a long time. He has a taste of family life and singlehood all rolled up in one day. Pretty much a full course meal with all the trimmings.
I'm not sure here either. Jury is still out. I know he feels the loss of the kids - indicated by how often he calls them. Like I pointed out earlier - he calls immediately when he wakes up. It's like he wakes up - realizes he's not here - reaches for the phone and calls. He's barely awake. When he was living here, the period of time between when he got up and left for work again was important to him. Now that time is gone! He only gets to see the kids 2 days a week and various weekends.
Quote: Hopefully I have been able to dispell some of your dismay at least the part that was brought upon you from my post.
Don't take it the wrong way. I absolutely appreciate what you said. I guess I thought I was doing well, I could see that he was starting to get a glimpse of how it would be without me. Then only after one week of saying no, I said yes. I don't want to lose my credibility, I suppose. And, after thinking about it - when he called and asked if I was mad about it - he KNEW exactly what he was doing. If I were to admit it to myself - I LIKE that he still wants me. I see it as a sign of his confusion.
I'm trying to think of him in different terms these days. Putting aside all the crap that we'v been thru, I look at him from the point of view of whether he was someone I would want to date. He's funny, smart, sexy, hard-working, complex and intriguing. Someone I would be interested in. However, I remind myself that he sees another woman. So, from that frame of mind - I try to act "as if". It helps - a lot! It allows me to be more "ME". I'm a lot freer, more easygoing & light hearted when he's around. I don't let any of our history creep in and sour my mood. I push it all away. I can't stress enough how much it helps my PMA and makes our interactions much less stressed.
Enough rambling for now!
Update...he emailed me that today he's got to go the next town over for a work thing....i'm proud that I answered with "Sorry, that's a lot of driving for you. Plus work tonight." The "other" me would have jumped at the chance to ask him to come stay here until he has to leave for work tonight. Not gonna do it - wouldn't be prudent! LOL
