Quote: The reality is - we had problems before OW. Sometimes I think about her - and I think about how it seems as though he's trying to substitute the "old" me with her. She looks similar to me, she's doing the things I was doing when we met (college, friends - the 20's lifestyle, lol); she's able to do the things that *WE* did when we first got together and before we had kids. Does that make sense? She's *ME* 10 years ago.
This is exactly what my W is doing with her OM. They are living our life from before the kids and I guess in some way that's comforting because, of course she HAS kids and so that life will eventually come to an end one way or another.
In terms of your handling the situation with SO, I think you're doing GREAT. It's hard, but necessary to make him feel the pain of his own actions. That's what the anger is. It's him feeling powerless over you and having to face himself in all this. It sucks to do that when you've gotten to have it all like he has. Now you are forcing him to understand that he gave away whatever power/influence he has with you when he did what he did. You may have stuck it out due to love or weakness but neither of those should carry you into the fire of hell if YOU decide they can't.
You are learning to be strong for YOU and resisting reaction to his anger or advances is great evidence of that. You are learning to BE. Maybe you're not the you of 10 years ago, but you are becoming the you that has all the vibrancy and love of life that woman had, coupled with the gifts that only experience and the love of your children can give you. That's better than anything anyone else has to offer you. Keep strong and just live it. You are doing great!
