He's fishing... trying to find out what you are up to, if you are seeing anyone, if you are doing internet dating, etc... He's scared because he sees you getting your act together without him and afraid that if you aren't emotionally dependent on him you might not be there if he decides he wants you. He wants you there "just in case" and now he is starting to realize you might not always be there as a default option.
So, what he wanted to hear was, "Lol, no, I'm not seeing that guy from my office or internet dating. I will always be here for you no matter what with open arms. My life is totally on hold until you figure out what you want." Your choice not to deliver this doormat message is taking him out of his comfort zone and he wants you to fix it. Don't.
BTW, does he always go with the little passive agressive messages??? How annoying!!! Maybe you could call him on it sometime by reacting as though he'd given you the same message in a more direct manner. "Oh no, it seems you are hurt that I didn't answer the phone."
Yes. Please change the message on your machine, lol, and the name on your mailbox if appropriate.
Best,
Oldtimer
P.S. Oh yeah, the whole losing yourself thing. Why do women do that so much??? I certainly did. Yuck. It is in the overenmeshment that we lose ourselves and in healthy detachment that we find ourselves again. Aren't you starting to like yourself better now that you exist a bit more again, if you know what I mean, lol.
