Flutter & WalkingBack- thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement. It really isn't easy - trying to do the opposite of what comes naturally is it? As for dealing with SO moving out, it wasn't exactly unexpected or previously undiscussed. I really feel that it may have been the only option. Now we can both come to terms with our relationship once and for all - whatever way it turns out. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell - I miss him very much. But for some reason, it was what *I* needed in order to pull myself out of the rut I was stuck in. For some reason, I just couldn't do this while he was here.

I still find myself falling into some of my & "our" old patterns, so I just keep striving to do it differently. And the more I change, the more I notice him changing (albeit ever so slightly or slowly!). For instance tonight when he called to talk to the kids, he called no less than 6 times in 45 minutes, then texted me with "Tried calling as always No answer ". I was giving the kids baths and couldn't get the phone! Jeez! When they were all done, I finally texted him back with "OK - kids done with baths now" So he called a little while later and after the kids, he asked to speak with me. Then sounded all PO'd and pretty much hung up on me. My initial reaction to myself was "Well FO then, buddy!". As I sat there, I just kept saying to myself, it's not about me - shrug it off - his problem, not yours. About 10 minutes later he called back and apologized for being rude and explained his work was buzzing thru and he had to take it. This completely threw me! So I'm glad I didn't get all worked up over it for nothing.

Whitelight - glad you are enjoying this! LOL I usually have to laugh at it all, otherwise I would be raving loon!

Going to try to read all your threads. I apologize in advance if sometimes I don't have much advice to give. Or as much time as I would like to spend giving back to others.

Oh - Walkingback, "You get what you settle for." I got that from Thelma & Louise. Really not a movie to watch when going thru this kind of thing, lol, yet I find it stimulates my thinking - the line, not the movie!!!

Oldtimer - Oh My! You gave me a smiley face!! I admit, I'm not as detached as I want to be...or should be. I still take things to heart too much. See above with the thoughts that went thru my head when he called. I think I'm learning, slowly. Hopefully without too much damage.

I credit you for all this because I've really been taking your advice to heart. Some of the pictures you've painted (little dog begging for scraps, acting the victim) - God, those were enough to wake me up. I am not that type of person! I don't know where *I* disappeared to, but I do not think of myself, and don't want anyone else, to picture me like that. Ever!

Right now SO is not interested in working on a relationship with me. I've been trying to work on the issues I thought had led to it's breakdown expecting him to want to work on it as well. While I was wrong in some ways, I must be doing something right, as he hasn't flown the coop entirely and seems confused.

My goals, generally, are to continue to work on the things that I can while it's still in this stage. At the same time, balance that with moving forward and focusing on "me" stuff.

Oh, and change the answering machine message!! LMAO Right now it's his voice on there!