This idea grew out of a discussion on another thread:
"The Chair Analogy":
Situations on the DB board tend to fall into one of three categories.
CATEGORY A: By far the most common type - the marriage was overall good (not perfect) before, WAS has had a crisis.
CATEGORY B: Not married, no kids, or newly married, no kids, with infidelity on WASO's part
CATEGORY C: Married, marriage was never good before (abuse or drugs) or recently uncovered chronic problems (serial cheating, substance abuse, compulsive lying) which have been going on for the duration of the marriage.
Often the question arises of whether one should be DBing or not in a particular circumstance. It came to me last night that this could all be clarified by using the analogy of a broken chair:
CATEGORY A: I bought a chair and have used it for years. I love the chair, it is comfortable and goes with my decor. The rest of the family loves the chair. A leg on the chair breaks. I take the chair to get repaired because I really like this chair and would like to keep it.
CATEGORY B: (Unmarried) - I am out shopping for a chair. I find one that I like but it has a broken leg. I do not buy it and I keep looking for a similar chair that is solid and intact. Even if the owner offered to repair the leg, I would probably not buy the chair for fear it would break again in the future.
(Recently married) - I buy a chair and as soon as I get it home the leg breaks. I return it to the store because it is not as represented - not solid - and therefore not what I was given the impression I was buying. Again, since it broke so easily, I would probably not accept an offer to repair, since I suspect this is proof the chair is badly made and will break again.
CATEGORY C: I have a chair which I have owned for years. It was never comfortable, always wobbled, and never matched my decor. My kids think it is hideous. The leg breaks and I discover it is riddled with termites. I have to get rid of the chair - and as I shop for a new one, I try to find one that is more comfortable and fits better in my home. (And I check for termites!!! )
Now, I know this is simplistic, and human beings are not chairs, but I think it can be a usefull way to look at things.
