Oh, my, Joe - it's a long story. MIL was a classic WAW when H and his 4 sibs were teens. Also the 1970's women's lib movement probably didn't help (I'm a feminist, btw, it's just that I remember the atmosphere at the time, it was all about how women were being oppressed by men).
Granted, she had married young and had 5 kids in 7 years. Granted, FIL was a difficult dogmatic workaholic guy - but also salt-of-the-earth, working hard for his family and beautiful wife, built up a successful construction business.
I don't know all the details, but I do know she was at least flirting with other men (some disgruntled suitor tried to set fire to their summer cabin with the whole family inside). Then she went to law school and I think thought her new academic friends were more interesting than her husband with grease on his hands.
To tell the truth, I don't know if her current H was the OM when she left the marriage or not (I don't think he was). I'm sure there was one. And in typical WAW fashion, she didn't do anything to make it easier for the kids. The three boys cut off all contact with her as they watched their dad fall apart over her betrayal. The two girls kept in touch.
Now it's 30 years later. I helped my H decide to re-establish contact with her after our oldest son was born (19 years ago). H realized that the burden of not speaking to her was greater than the burden of having a polite relationship, and he didn't want to pass on family dysfunction to the next generation.
One of H's brothers just established contact with her this year, and the other brother still won't have anything to do with her.
Frankly, I think the kids could have gotten over her divorcing their dad - they love him but know he can be difficult. I think what they have a hard time forgiving is the way she abandoned them in the process - forgetting birthdays, buying crappy thoughtless Xmas presents while they saw her putting effort into her new friends, etc.
As for her new life? She and her second H seem happy, they've been together for a long time now. He's a retired English professor, almost the complete opposite of my FIL. Funny, though, I can see the ways in which FIL was actually better suited to her. She's a handy, take-charge kind of person, FIL is too - while her current H is hopeless with a toolbox. Her H is much more passive. I can see that, if she and FIL had been able to work through their rough patch, he could have been better suited to her now.
FIL, sadly, has let the bitterness corrode his life since. He truly loved MIL and thought he had the perfect family - he's never really gotten over it.
A lesson there, I guess, for LBSs. MIL inflicted the initial blow - but FIL is the one who made the choice to hold onto the pain and let it affect the rest of his life.
