That is really great news Hoping. You wanted your miracle and now you got it.
If I were you, I would call a DBing coach. We aren't counselors on here, and I think this calls for a counselor. I would also read Michele's book again. I started to read it again, and I can see things that I didn't get the first time I read it. Read the chapter on divorce not being the answer. I think you need to read this message yourself.
I realize that reconciliation will be a lot of very hard work, however; I think it is the best thing to do. We give up on marriage so easily in this country.
Yes, H could be just emotional, but I think he meant it when he made that call. I think he has wanted to make that call many times but always chooses not to do it. Hasn't he told you this before and then the next day called you and said he didn't mean it. I can't remember if I read that in your threads or not. If he does this again, don't lose hope and continue working on yourself. He wants to reconcile but is overwhelmed just like you.
I was watching Dr. Phil the other day. The guy gets on my nerves but something he said rang a bell. It was a show on infidelity. The husband had cheated and he was advising the wife to get therapy. He said that the person who was deceived will go through predictable stages when there is not professional help. He said that the wife will be in shock and then anger. He said then they will try to reinvent themselves to "win" back the spouse. He said then when they get them back into the home they will make the spouse pay for their sins for the rest of their life and make the marriage like a prison. This is a very easy trap.
I see a lot of hurt and pain in your posts and this one too. I think you need to read about forgiveness. If you hold onto everything he did to you, it is going to eat you alive. I have seen a quote on here about how holding onto anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. I read a book on forgiveness by Joyce Meyers that helped me a lot. It was called "Beauty From Ashes" It is more for people who have been abused, but anyone betrayed could easily apply it to their situation. It helped me see that everyone in this world has been hurt by someone and has to let it go. You need to learn to forgive Hoping. You have to do it for yourself. What your husband did was wrong, but people do the best they know how to do. I truly believe that. He just didn't know how to do any better.
I think your husband has a very low self-esteem. I think anybody who messes up in life like our spouses do have very, very low self-esteems. Add to the fact that they screwed up royally and you have someone who thinks nothing of themselves. This gives them no desire to do better.
I went out to eat with my sister and her son. My nephew is three and can be a handful. Going to a restaurant with him is nearly impossible. We decided to give it another shot. He was good all during the meal. It was time to leave so we gathered up our stuff and headed for the door. My nephew was getting all excited and starting to cause trouble. As we walked through the doorway, we passed all the candies and gum machines. He was about to do the usual cry for the candy with a temper tantrum mounting. I didn't notice this, but my sister did and was getting the usual frustrations on her face. I said outloud not realizing the situation about to happen, "You were so good, Nephew!" All of a sudden, his bad behavior haulted and he had a huge smile on his face. Me and my sister both saw what positive reinforcement did like magic. It has a snowball effect just like negative reinforcement does.
To bad the DBing sessions are so expensive. I think you need someone to help guide you through this process.
I suggest that you decide whether you want ex back or not. If you do then you need to go at it full force and never waiver again. You have to be committed fully to doing whatever it takes. It is so much easier to change your behavior instead of your husband's so focus on that. We all wish we had perfect husbands that treated us like princesses. Unfortunately, most women don't get this reality.
Yes, I think you are right about not wanting to not jump into anything too quick. Your marriage is still broken and the two of you have a lot of work to do. It is good to be cautious. However, I truly believe that this is a very good sign even if he does change his mind tomorrow. Remember, baby steps......
