I admit that I responded to a later post by you but didn't read your whole sitch. You are in a VERY similar situation to mine. Have you read any of my threads (there are a LOT of them, lol). I posted a link to each of them in the first post of my current thread (just look on the board, it's near the top usually). If you HAVE read up on my sitch, then you know that I am living with my WAW who has an OM. I feel all the same things you do about it lasting forever, etc.
I can tell you that "getting past it" is the hardest, and best thing I have done. I am not totally there, but I have managed to not allow her affair to be the only thing in our lives. It is SO easy to be consumed by the A that all else takes a back seat, including our own TRUE feelings and desires. We are willing to sacrifice our own happiness just to wallow in the misery of thinking about OM or the A all the time. Make no mistake about it, it IS a choice.
The first thing I did was stop snooping. It really helped immediately because I found that each little detail I knew became it's own obsession, not just part of the bigger one that is the A. My mind stopped functioning and I only knew a tiny fraction of what some of the folks here know about their OP's.
Next, I let go of my pain over the A, and in some ways, I think I forgave my W. I didn't know I did this until recently, but I did. In my heart, I understood that she saw us as equals in this, and even though from my perspective she was doing evil, I comprehended that from HER perspective, somehow I had been too. From that place, I was able to just let go of what she was doing. Did that stop it from hurting? Hell no, but it DID allow me to move forward with my DBing.
After that, it was a steady diet of reading, focusing on me improvement, seeing my IC, and GAL to a certain extent.
Things did, and are continuing to get better at least on the surface. I no longer feel like a doormat. I no longer get emotional all the time. I no longer obsess about OM.
There are still bad times, but they are overshadowed by the good times and that is by choice. At some point you have to just decide to be positive and that this life of worry and stress is not what you want.
It's hard, it really is, but it CAN be done. You just have to want to do it more than you want to punish your W, wallow in your pain, suffer, cry, vent, talk, etc.
In the end, you just have to want to be happy and realize that you CAN be, even in the midst of all this. Want that, and then go get it!
