Quote: I am afraid to make this situation too comfortable for her. I think people have to be uncomfortable to change - and she needs to change. I realize this may not go my way - I guess I am prepared for this - or at least getting close.
I agree with you. People often, but not always, need to be uncomfortable to change. The problem is that you're assuming that your W is comfortable. If she seems like she is, don't believe it.
Your fear is a common one that we all have. We all fear being a doormat and making things too easy for our WAS. It's a fine line for sure but the thing that helps is to understand that you cannot control these people. No amount of hard line tactics is likely to bring her back. Only SHE can decide to come back and that is likely to be because she wants to, not because you make her uncomfortable.
That said, Tim and others have had success when they finally decided enough was enough and called it quits. It was then that his W saw the light, but that was after almost a year (or more, sorry Tim, don't remember the time line) of trying everything else.
If you are truly doing what's right for YOU, and working on YOU, living for YOU, then you are not a doormat. Make your own decisions and make your own life. I have been doing so for about 3 months now to varying degrees of success. Waiting has worked thus far for me. Only you can decide what will work for you.
