I'd venture to say that the majority of us on the board have been or are somewhere like where you are at.
The big dilemma is this. We all believe that the our spouse's other (no matter what form they take EA, PA, whatever) keep them from recomitting to the relationship. BUT, our spouses don't see it that way. They think we've let THEM down in some way by creating a relationship that forced them to look for closeness elsewhere. It seems backwards doesn't it, but to our spouses, their affairs are OUR fault.
And, given that they see US as the cause of their misbehavior. I think most people here agree that the focus needs to be on us being better people and not on our spouses' misbehavior. Every time I have talked about the OM, it has pushed my wife further and further from me. Nevertheless, the temptation is so strong, I continue to shoot myself in the foot.
Ignoring the affair and focusing on yourself is a long tough road however, and it really does seem like the most successful folks on the board (both those who reconcile and those who don't) find a way to move past whatever transgressions occurred in their marriage and focus mostly on being a better person, period.
So, what goals do you have to make yourself a better person?
