I may have given somewhat of the wrong impression.
F and I had boatloads of EC (if you mean emotional connection).
We did tons of stuff together, both just us and with our kids -- skiing, museums, shopping (yeah, he was the rare guy who loooved to shop) vacations, amusement parks, restaurants, family time, couple time.
F was really helpful around the house. He was a great cook and catered to me in other ways -- bringing me a glass of wine when I was beat after work, helping me out with "guy-type" things --like taking out the trash or changing lighbulbs or hanging pictures. He was also really touchy-feely, very affectionate and constantly complimenting me.
So, except for specifically changing his sexual behavior and attitude, I don't think there's much more he could have done.
Well, maybe he could have lost 40 pounds or so. And hadn't he ever heard of laser treatment for simian-like back hair?
And he was far from perfect. For example, he had severe issues with his crazy ex-wife and her constantly hauling him into court, which led to a fear that he would lose his kids, which, in turn led him to treat my kid badly --something I absolutely wasn't going to put up with.
And he had no concept of how to keep house or even clean up after himself. The house was always full of clutter that he "meant to sell on e-bay," but somehow never got around to.
And we had totally different standards/rules for our kids (who were all about the same age). F justified his by saying that if he didn't let his kids do whatever they wanted, they would go live with thier mother. My kid couldn't understand why he had chores and rules "when F's kids could do whatever they wanted."
Anyway, what I'm trying to say, in my own rambling way was that sometimes sex/lack of desire is just -- or mostly -- about sex. If he had listened to what I was saying specifically about sex and what would really turn me on, we could (I think) have had a great SL. As it was, he just wasn't willing to change what felt good for him/what he enjoyed and it led to me rapidly becoming LD/ND.
Nothing else he could have done would have made me more HD (though, I suppose it might have made me happier)
