Sparkles, I suspect that until your H's needs are being met in a more consistent fashion, he will continue to act like a jerk. HOW you put up with it, I don't know. That would be hard to swallow.
How about if you tried this: "H, I am willing to up the frequency of our sex life in an effort to meet your needs, but I am requesting that you treat me with respect."
Both of you will have to begin working your way towards the middle. You cannot step back and wait for him to "make it up to you" before you work on the frequency...it won't be made up, kwim? He said and did some really awful, really rude things and there's no making it up. You will have to make a choice to either move past it, or let it be the end of your M. Moving past it doesn't mean that you bury it deep inside, it means that you talk it out with H and jointly agree (after apologies and whatnot) to move on and eliminate that behavior.
Here's the part you may not like.
2x per month would not work for me in any way, shape or form. That is not me being a sex addict or a selfish jerk or any other negative connotation it might conjure up in your mind--it's just me. It's how my mind/body connection works. I would have a very difficult time being pleasant and happy with that amount of sex in my life. I say this not to discourage you, but rather to ENcourage you to see your H as a completely separate person from you, one who has different needs and desires and whose needs are just as legitimate as your own. If he were to say to you that he'd never be happy with once or even twice a month, does that make him an ogre? Selfish? Not care about you?
NOT AT ALL.
It just means that he is comfortable stating exactly what he needs/wants/desires. It also doesn't mean that he is entitled to get it, but in a loving marriage I think that both partners should make a good faith effort to meet the other's needs, don't you?
I know it is frustrating to keep thinking "nothing is ever good enough" within your M. I feel that way too, only our issue is not that he wants more sex--it's cleaning the house! My advice is to make an effort EVERY DAY..get in the habit of meeting each other's needs every day. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have sex every day but acting sexUAL or like his lover would do a lot to ease his mind...ease the feeling that he's the only one feeling like a lover within the relationship. Likewise, if your needs within the R are more time from him devoted to the kids and the house, well, he better get crackin on those things.
I suppose my point is that BOTH of you will have to make some serious changes in yourselves, so you may as well begin that process now. Why waste another day in a lifeless M, right?
