It sounds as if your H feels controlled by you and is responding by trying to control you back. It seems obvious to me, as I'm sure it does to you, that what he really needs to learn is self control. But it always seems to us easier (and more just) to control the other rather than ourself.
How would you react if your H got hold of himself and said something like, "I realize your loss of libido is not your fault, but feeling desire and passion from my wife seems essential to me, and as a matter of integrity and self-respect I can't remain married to someone who doesn't feel that way about me." I ask because if he could only grow up emotionally and start maturely acting on his feelings rather than acting out, that might well be what he would have to say.
