Yo, woman. I've been in your shoes. Been there, done that, and how.
K. Here we go.
YOU are battling a defense mechanism. You are not battling your H, you are battling yourself.
The reason why you are getting pissed at your H for touching your breast is because you don't want him touching it. Period. End of story.
You don't want him touching your breast because you are pissed at him. Period. End of story.
Why you are pissed at your H is for you to determine. I'm sure you have a list a mile long. Understood. I had one, too. THE LIST is not getting you anywhere. You realize this, that is why you are here.
So... the next time your H begins to play with your breast when the two of you are watching tv... reach over to the remote, SHUT OFF the tv, and give your full attention to what he is doing.
FEEL what he is doing. Close your eyes and think about nothing other than his hand on your breast. Don't worry, the feelings of complete and utter pissed-offness are going to come clanging and screaming through. Fine. Acknowledge them with your mind. Say to yourself, yes, I am pissed that he is touching my breast.
And then... once you have fully felt your anger and your contempt and your rage.... let it go.
Tell your H that you are feeling really pissed and uncomfortable. Tell him exactly what you are feeling. In a calm tone. And while you are telling him this, hold his hand to your breast as you express yourself. Let the anger go.
Do this for as long as you can. If you are ready for him to move on, tell him. If you are not, say... "okay, stop for a few minutes and let me catch my breath." Catch your breath. When you feel you have your emotions under control, begin again.
Each time you do this, you will be able to go further and further. AND. In the midst of you telling him your feelings, all he is allowed to do is acknowledge what you are feeling. He doesn't get to argue. (Which means you have to tell him the rules of this procedure before you begin.... and tell him that he is doing this in order to HELP you, not to take it personally).
The point here is to confront your feelings as they occur, not after you have rejected him, not after you've both rolled over, gone to sleep, and you feel remorseful and bad the next day.
He needs to share with you the emotions you are battling so he can understand exactly what it is you are confronting. And even if he doesn't understand them, per se, he is there with you as you go through them, he goes with you as far as you are able, he shares the moment and the experience with you... he is helping you overcome an engrained defense mechanism you have against HIM and YOURSELF. Not sex.
This isn't about sex... it's about unresolved emotions that get in the way of sex. You are responding in anger and frustratioon to him out of HABIT. You want to have sex. Just not with him. And the reason you don't want to have sex with him is because you are PISSED at him and have been for a number of years. You RESENT him.
Get rid of your anger and your resentment. Sex will take care of itself.
