First, I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time. Your pain comes through loud and clear in your post. It really sucks going through this kind of thing. But I think, before anything's gonna get a lot better, the thing you'll need to accomplish is to find a way to get rid of some of that frustration, both of you. You need to get to where the two of you can talk about this calmly, without namecalling or blaming. Sounds impossible, huh? Difficult, yes, but it can be done. However, what you need to do first is to convince him that the two of you need to turn down the heat and have a heart-to-heart with real strict rules about blaming, name-calling, etc. Because otherwise there's no solving this.
Quote: The choices I feel I have are, have sex to keep him happy even though I really don't want to, or don't have sex, make him happy and keep the peace.
I have to say, I really don't understand what you're trying to say there. What do you mean by "make him happy and keep the peace", if it's not sex?
At any rate, I understand completely what you're saying about the way he tried to initiate. A few years ago, I would not have understood, but I do now. That should tell you there's hope for him. But also, get rid of words like "should". That road leads only to frustration. "Should" is for children, but you're adults. Adults deal with what IS. The fact IS, you DON'T like it. Maybe you will someday again (probably), but right now, for reasons beyond your control, you don't. If he can understand that point, and really buy into it, a lot of this issue will dissipate, I think. However, be aware it's not JUST that simple, there's a LOT more to it, but I'm sure you know that already. Key is, calm down, talk it over, talk it over again, calm down, deep breaths, try again. I'm sure he does love you deeply, even if he seems like a stupid git just now.
Over here, W just woke me up on the couch to say it's time to go to bed. I'd fallen asleep about a half-hour earlier, just before the news. It hasn't been a great evening, but not a bad one, just indifferent. Things are like that sometimes. Maybe tomorrow will be better. We'll see...
